Tag Archive | "presidential election 2012"

Dixville Notch Grabs Crotch for President


GlossyNews.com – DIXVILLE NOTCH — It’s midnight in Dixville Notch, ten registered voters, one minute to vote, it’s dark, cold and everyone wore a Mackinaw, though few would tell us what exactly that is.

By 12:05 a.m., the 2012 Presidential race is officially a wicked pissah.

All ten votes were unpredictably cast for Peace and Freedom candidate Roseanne Barr and running mate, Cindy Sheehan. Read the full story

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Oh, the Rovanity


FORT LAUDERDALE–Tumult ensued following initial reports that the crash of a Mitt Romney blimp was instead determined to be the explosion of Karl Rove’s much talked about brain.

The head of the conservative political analyst and FOX NEWS favorite spontaneously blew to smithereens after he attempted to opine past the GOP presidential candidate’s obvious lack of readiness on foreign policy.

Emergency crews described the scene as chaotic. “People were scrambling everywhere,” recalled a paramedic. “One guy who looked like Sean Hannity, held a Styrofoam coffee cup, screaming “Scoop up his brain, scoop it up, hurry!” Read the full story

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The Tea Party Fat Lady in the Closet


I once viewed the Tea Party as the Paul Potts of politics, supported by ordinary people a bit rough around the edges, yet capable of great accomplishments.

Potts, an unassuming man who sold mobile phones for a living, stood solo on the stage of a British variety show and with a talent unexpected of someone so seemingly mainstream, belted out an exquisite operatic aria before a dumbstruck audience.

The we’re- just-regular-folk Tea Party supporters popped up on this country’s stage in much the same way, out of nowhere but from our everywhere, singing angry discontent for a government tone deaf to the people’s wants and needs.

Any semblance ends on that note. Read the full story

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Romney Reaches Out to the Nation’s Dead People


WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move designed to kick-start his flagging presidential campaign Friday, Mitt Romney reached out to the nation’s dead people during a visit to a cemetery in the state of Virginia.

Aiming to refocus his campaign after a series of setbacks this past week, the former Massachusetts governor addressed over 300 deceased voters in what was a rescheduled campaign stop this morning. Read the full story

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Exposé: Under the Table with the Romneys


The Ann Romney ironing board story unfolds with a new wrinkle.

Photographs posted today by Households Without Housekeepers reveal the wall-unit ironing board reportedly used as the Romney dining table was in fact a Murphy bed.

The labor activist organization refused to name the source of the photographs.

The most damning picture showed the bed set for a dinner party of six, complete with sterling silverware by Tiffany placed beside antique bone china offset by dazzling Waterford crystal stemware, each flourished with an etched entwined double R. An ice sculpture of Brigham Young doubled as a centerpiece designed to keep the Beluga caviar cold. Read the full story

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Bill Clinton: Rather Switch than Fight


NEW YORK–Bill Clinton rocked the political world today by announcing his change in party affiliation from Democrat to Independent.

Meet the Press moderator David Gregory asked Mr. Clinton to explain his decision. “Could’ve been worse,” Clinton responded. “Could’ve switched to the GOP.” Read the full story

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