Tag Archive | "polls"

Enda Kenny Voted World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach


A recent RTE poll, unsurprisingly, has determined that Enda Kenny, despite malicious rumors from irrational and extremist Fianna Fail hooligans™, really is (as none of us really doubted), the World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach.

Admittedly, it was a close-run thing, as Kenny only grabbed 50.0001 of the vote; his thunder nearly being stole by Rodraig Spartacus O’Leprosy. Read the full story

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Exclusive Interview: Dean Chambers of UnskewedPolls.com


Today, GlossyNews.com has the unique opportunity to present an interview with Dean Chambers from UnskewedPolls.com. And yes, this is a real interview.

For the sake of proof we asked Dean to provide a photo of himself, and what you see here is real. This is really him. And no, we didn’t Photoshop it except to make it fit for width. Read the full story

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Peyton Manning Didn’t Vote: Too Busy Feigning Modesty About Status as Best F’ng Quarterback Ever


Denver, CO—Denver Broncos’ Quarterback, Peyton Manning, revealed to reporters this evening that he didn’t have time to visit the polls today because he was too busy faking modest responses to numerous claims that he is the greatest QB of all time. Read the full story

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GA Exit Polls Show Honey Boo Boo Leading Twinkies


GlossyNews.com – GEORGIA – Exit polls conducted throughout the state of Georgia are showing reality TV starlet and shaved Gremlin Honey Boo Boo holding a slight lead over the well known snack Twinkies in the race for the White House.

Asked how something like this could happen, state election officials said that Georgia voters simply ignored all of the options on the ballot and wrote in either Honey Boo Boo, Twinkies, or Gary Johnson. Read the full story

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Romney Ahead 99 Pts Among Those Who Think Twinkies are Vegetables


GlossyNews.comCINCINNATI – The latest exit polls are showing Mitt Romney is leading President Obama by an estimated 99 points among voters who think Twinkies are a vegetable.

The results would have actually been 100% but when one Romney voter was asked what Twinkies were he responded, “footwear.” Read the full story

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Election Analysts Admit It’s Just Pin the Tail on the Donkey


GlossyNews.com – Washington D.C. – Today, insiders and employees at CNN News Headquarters revealed what’s really behind the incessant coverage that will make chronic channel surfers cry this Tuesday. And it’s not about democracy or nipple slips.

“Basically, we have a rager in the studio once every four years,” CNN reporter Andrea Witherspoon admitted, “That big board of states that turn red or blue and everyone points at on TV? Yeah, it’s not about people voting. It’s much too rock & roll for that.” Read the full story

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President Obama Set to Renew Inaugural Vow


WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to revive his flagging presidency, Barack Obama plans to renew his oath of office in a special bipartisan ceremony to be held at the Washington Monument early this spring. Falling somewhere between a full-blown inaugural parade and a pander-to-the-base campaign rally, President Obama’s vow renewal is designed to assure the American public that he is not about to become the next Jimmy Carter. Read the full story

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