CASTRO STREET, San Fransisco, CA (GlossyNews) — The Catholic Church revealed Saturday morning that they had found one priest in Renton, Washington, whom, they say, has never committed any act of abuse or possibly any sin during his tenure as a seminary student, and throughout his preisthood.

Father Quentin O’Daily, 42, originally of Fargo, North Dakota, was paraded in front of the news media as the quintessential new model priest of the 21st Century. His background was verified by Funk and Wagnals as well as Price Waterhouse.

“He is 110 percent pure,” gleefully ejaculated Father Max Packer, Bishop of Duluth. Read the full story