Tag Archive | "obama"

How America’s Various Factions View Obama (comic)


How do liberals view Obama? How do conservatives view Obama? These as well as the views of Evangelicals, FOX News, Michele Bachmann and more are covered.

I didn’t cover the socialist or communist view of Obama, mostly because I lack the art skillz to do such things. I hit the biggest bases as hard as I could, and I think I’m sufficiently fair across the board.

Scroll down to see the cartoon. Read the full story

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Report: Biden to Become Prime Minister of Italy


After weeks of crisis and gridlock, Italians have a new prime minister, and his name is Biden. That is, Joseph Robinette Biden.

America’s vice president was selected for the position after consensus picks such as Oliver Stone and Roman Polanski lost out due to a last minute revolt by Silvio Berlusconi’s People of Freedom Party, which desired to put Monica Bellucci in the position. Read the full story

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Report: TSA Agents Receive Eternal Cavity Searches in Hell


Washington is ablaze with fury after one of Satan’s lieutenants accidentally leaked the conditions of punishment for TSA agents in Hell, which include cavity searches that never ever end.

Buroz Baliferous, a lower demon who works under Satan in the Department of Purgatory Projects, mistakenly emailed details of how the federal workers are treated when they pass through hell’s front gate after a life of pan-molestation to Congressman Hank Johnson’s office. Read the full story

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Posted in Crime, Crooked CopsComments (0)

Obama Angry He “Can’t” Kill American Citizens


Members of the press core were violently ejected from the White House yesterday after President Obama went into a fit of rage over the fact that the Constitution prohibits him from killing innocent American citizens.

“It’s not fair! My drone strikes have killed hundreds of Pakistanis in the past four years. At this point, who cares where the targets are, or whether they are brown or not?” Read the full story

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Sequestration Castration


The dreaded Sequestration is upon us. Which is much like the feared Fiscal Cliff. Which is similar to the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse. Which is related to Y2K.

Which is similar to the Bush II administration… wait a minute! That was a real disaster that actually happened! Brrrrrrr… and scary too!

Both sides are giving us horror stories that are like the really cheap ghost story books that you find in dollar stores. They are also about as flimsy and thin as those inexpensive Halloween masks that your mother bought you as kids that collect a teaspoons worth of spittle every time you breathe out.

Of course, the cuts don’t hurt the big boys, they hurt the little people like us.

Until now.

Unbeknownst to the Senators, Legislators and other members of the ruling elite, there is a whole section of clauses hidden in the obscure and thick wording of the Sequestration that cuts their pay to half, eliminates their insurance, cancels their Secret Service protection, wipes out their perks and states that they have to clean their own dishes.

Government officials, notorious for not thoroughly reading bills brought to their desk are in for a rude awakening once the Sequestration gets going full swing.

Already a couple of lower echelon staff have discovered the oversight and are frantically trying to reach their bosses with the news before the Sequestration gets too entrenched. This is hampered by the fact that it is difficult to get through to the exclusive golf clubs and upscale foreign bordellos where they are holed up. The staff themselves have a great interest in reaching them because they will be the first to feel the budget ax.

Word has quickly spread throughout the underground Internet where people such as you and I are eager to watch as they realize their mistake and start running around like weasels with their heads cut off. Much like we have to do at the low paying crap jobs which are available to the working class in our modern America at the moment.

– – – –

FLASH NEWS UPDATE! – Both Congress and the Senate have met in an emergency session starting at 3 AM eastern time to resolve the Sequestration crisis. Senators and Legislators have been catching red-eye flights to make sure they get new proposals passed before their perks start disappearing.

Politicos across the Washington spectrum started panicking when their Congressional credit cards started voiding their purchases all around the globe. Angry calls from spouses on shopping sprees suddenly flooded cell phones throughout Washington.

YET ANOTHER FLASH NEWS UPDATE!- Washington in an amazing feat of speed and focus passed a set of bills in a record 55 minutes at 3:55 eastern time this morning. This now sets the Guinness book of world records for the shortest amount of time for Congress to get anything through its doors. Congressmen were seen wiping their foreheads in relief as they left.

Unfortunately, they only passed bills related to their benefits and pay. The rest of the countries citizens will have to wait until they reconvene on Monday.

If not longer.

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Morons Protest Lack of Equality


Local news is reporting that traffic has been shut down in Washington, D.C. after a new protest movement took to the streets to demand equality legislation for morons.

The massive throng of over 1 million morons arrived on Constitution Avenue just after 7am and began screaming at the National Museum of Art in hopes that their rights would be recognized.

Some protesters wore t-shirts reading “I’m a moron—get over it,” while others chewed furiously on rectal thermometers and faced reporters to explain the movement’s goals. Read the full story

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Posted in Strange PeopleComments (1)

Conservatives Furious Over Historical Implications Of Mississippi Error


Due to an error in not filing documents stating Mississippi’s ratification of the 13th amendment ending slavery, historical references will now show that slavery ended under President Obama’s second term. Speaker of the House John Boenher stated, “How many lucky f#&%ing breaks can that guy get!”

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Senator Warns of Impending Attack on Family Values


A US Senator is drawing the nation’s attention after publicizing a report suggesting an attack on family values is imminent.

Addressing a hastily-organized press conference Friday morning, Senator Tate Williams of Arkansas explained that his staff on the United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence has intercepted reports of planned military action against family values in America by the Liberal Looney and Gay Alliance of California (the LLGAC). Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, War ZoneComments (2)

Video Game Review: Presidential Drone Hit List


Summary

Presidential Drone Hit List makes you work to find the people you’re supposed to kill, but the job of doing so is relatively easy and without risk.

RIGHT: Presidential Drone Hit List (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Posted in War ZoneComments (4)

Obama Resigns… Almost


In a surprise announcement, Barack Obama has decided to step down. Foregoing the balance of his second term, the President will pass on the executive reins of government to his vice president, Joe Biden.

Obama revealed his decision during his latest Sunday radio address. After outlining a progressive agenda for the next four years, he sighed and simply said that he didn’t have the patience or will to carry through with those plans. Read the full story

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SNL Caught ‘Rounding Second’ with Obama–World Shocked


The signs, though subtle and unseen by many, were always there. The episode before last of the much loved, sketch comedy TV show only underscored the true reality of their relationship.

After Seth Meyers, the Weekend Update news anchor, more than adequately roasted a few Republican politicians, he then began commenting on the president’s inauguration. And, ostensibly, he made a few extremely harmless but funny quips about Biden photo-bombing the president, etc. Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, TelevisionComments (3)

NRA Members Suffering From Selective Hearing Disorder – I SAID, “NRA MEMBERS SUFFERING FROM HEARING DISORDER”


Scientists have begun a study of NRA members who seem to have a vacillating hearing problem in which most of their die hard publicum hear certain things in clarity and then on others are fuzzy.

“It is a really strange phenomena.” stated Irving Earwig, a specialist with the “Can You Hear Me Now?” Ear Institute of Huh?, Mississippi. “If you say to them ‘The government is not taking away your guns, they only want to limit high chambered guns and guns of mass destruction.’ Read the full story

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Posted in Health, PoliticsComments (4)

Presidential Inauguration is for Deserving Corporations, not Unemployed


The U.S. National Park Service has denied a permit to the ANSWER Coalition for a demonstration in support of the unemployed in Freedom Plaza during the Presidential Inauguration on January 21, 2013 in Washington, D.C. Instead, the space will be reserved for guests of the Presidential Inauguration Committee, which are mainly wealthy corporations and campaign donors.

RIGHT: Disenfranchised corporations demonstrate for their rights. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Romney to Advertise New Lovelife Product


Former governor Mitt Romney may have lost the presidential election last November, but coming up short at the ballot box isn’t keeping him down—at least not in spirit.

According to breaking reports, Romney has been hired as a spokesperson to advertise the new lovelife product being marketed by Staples called “Leather Binders for Women.” Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, PoliticsComments (2)

Obama, You Sold Me (and all lefties) Out


Hey Barry, hi, how are you? Good, good, glad to hear it. Hey listen, that whole debate you did last week with those dastardly Republicans? Yeah, you totally sold us out. Just had to say it.

Us progressives have been waiting for the ‘angry black man’ to come out, but we’ve been sadly disappointed. The right keeps insisting that they see him, but you could expand gun rights in national parks, and they’d still say you’re coming for their guns. Read the full story

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Boehner and Obama Vow to Fall Off Fiscal Cliff Together


As fiscal cliff negotiations stalled, Republican House Speaker John Boehner and Democratic President Barack Obama romantically declared that they would tumble over the fiscal cliff together “arm in arm”.

“I truly love that man”, Boehner said in reference to Obama. “I would gladly sacrifice myself and my political future for him”.

Obama was equally smitten with the Ohio congressman. “John and I have been through some tough times. But our love for each other has sustained us until now” Obama said as he glanced at a vase full of red roses provided by his former rival.

The two politicians seemed to constantly be at odds with each other and their romantic relationship caught many by surprise.

“I always thought Boehner was just some douche bag republican”, said New York sanitation worker Peter Gibbs. “Now I find out he’s got a soft, romantic heart!”

“I looked at Obama as being a real jerk”, said Mississippi stockbroker Jules Crabtree. “Now I think he’s a decent human being”.

Both Boehner and Obama said the fiscal cliff is not about the American people anymore but about two people’s undying love for each other.

“After we both go off the fiscal cliff America will be much better off”, a teary eyed Obama stated.

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