Benton, AR – (Glossy News) WalMart retailers across the US are all set to stock The Nobel Peace Prize on their store shelves in time for the Christmas buying season. Officials claim there will be plenty to go around and the actual medal will be cast in affordable gold painted pewter instead of the more expensive gold.

“The medal will look just like the one President Obama received except this one will sing a song when you clap your hands,” claims Edgar Walton, VP of Chinese made junk. Read the full story

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Ever since Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he’s been looking for a good investment and now he thinks he’s found it. He’s opening a chain of Reiki salons in Washington, DC. Among the reasons he’s giving for making such a bold business move, Gore came up with these:

*I like the “laying on of hands” concept of Reiki. The magic is in the palms.

*I’ve always been turned on by the phrase “holistic.” Read the full story

A new insight into Rush Limbaugh’s mysterious recent hospitalization has come to light. Originally reported as being a possible heart attack, it now appears that Mr. Limbaugh actually got a pummeling.

Just ‘happening’ to be in Hawaii at the same time as President Barack Obama, it turns out that Limbaugh was actually part of a plot to make sure that the President never got a moments rest from Fox News’ endless anti-Obama onslaught. Read the full story

To the surprise of few, Obama has won yet another award for not being George W. Bush, this time it’s one awarded by the Global Sub-Scrub Society known as the “Not George Bush Award”, and it’s given only to those political leaders in power who are not, as the name of the award suggests, George W. Bush.

The nominees for the upcoming AVN Adult Video awards were released today, and in surprising move, the Adult Academy has nominated President Obama for Best Male Performer.

It should be noted that the president is receiving the nomination without performing a single on-screen thrust, causing considerable controversy within the industry. Dick Ironrod, who is also nominated for the award, expressed concerns that Obama had the requisite experience. Read the full story