Tag Archive | "NASCAR"

Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings


Saturday night NASCAR icon Tony Stewart single-handedly quadrupled NASCAR’s slumping television ratings when he hit and killed Kevin Ward Jr in a Sprint Car race at Canandaigua Motorsports Park in upstate New York.

Ward, 20, had been run into the wall by Stewart the lap before, wrecking his #13 Sprint car and in a jealous rage, Ward confronted Stewart’s car on foot, wagging a very intimidating finger at the former NASCAR champion.

One car swerved to avoid the irate driver but Stewart didn’t miss his target, striking the 20-year-old and dragging him several feet to his death. Read the full story

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NASCAR to Shorten Races: Surging Gas Prices Spur Changes


NASCAR officials declared today that due to the current increase in gasoline prices, several races later this season will be shortened to save costs.

According to the report issued, the money saving initiative will prevent a rise in ticket prices and allow the typical NASCAR fan to continue spending large amounts of cash they don’t have on NASCAR apparel they don’t need.

Crude oil has topped one hundred dollars a barrel this year and nationwide gas price averages sit above $3.60 a gallon. NASCAR stock cars get approximately two miles per gallon. Read the full story

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NASCAR Drivers Harassing Gordon On Starting Second Behind A Girl


Not everyone is celebrating Danica Patricks pole position qualifying run. Many of the other drivers are giving grief to Jeff Gordon on not beating Danica for that position. The irony that they qualified behind him is lost on many in the garage area.

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Republicans Demand NASCAR Observers at Polling Places


GlossyNews.comTALLADEGA – Republicans in The Deep South are demanding that NASCAR officials be sent to all polling places to ensure a fair election.

Talladega Republican Party Chairman Larry “big cheese” Nelson said, “We can’t risk our people not being able to vote. And the only way to make sure things are fair behind those curtains is to send in NASCAR.” Read the full story

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Mitt Romney Accepts Monkey on Back


Mitt Romney announced today that he will accept the Republican nomination for President wearing a STAPLES logo stitched to his back.

“And no, my friends,” Romney joked to the partisan crowd. “The logo won’t actually be stapled to my back. Hahahahaha.”

The presumptive candidate often cites the office supply box store as a job-creating, minimum-wage paying Bain Capital success story. Read the full story

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Obama Drones On About Using US Military Power in Libya


With France and England approving the use of attack helicopters, President Barack Obama rejected the idea but continued his commitment of using Predator Drone unmanned aircraft against forces loyal to Moammar Gadhafi. Obama continues to cite his decision to use US military power against Gadhafi as a turning point in his Presidency. Read the full story

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Forget Doomsday Prophecies; Beer Prices are Skyrocketing


SOMEWHERE, USA (GlossyNews) — Another Friday the 13th came and went without incident. It’s as if the Universe doesn’t take itself seriously anymore. Mars can run retrograde and Saturn can be humping Venus (relatively speaking of course) and still life goes on without so much as a blip.

Until now. Quietly staying behind in the shadows was the bad news of the century waiting its turn to slap the face of every serious beer guzzler out there. Thursday’s business section, August 12th, jumping the gun on every conceivable Friday the 13th doomsday scenario, “The price of a pint may be going up 40%!” Read the full story

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Recall Vehicles Fun to Drive, Say Toyota Ads


Toyota USA – Irvine, CA (GlossyNews) —  In response to ever-expanding recalls, carmaker Toyota will revamp its marketing and advertising programs to emphasize the “fun and excitement” of sudden acceleration, SUV rollovers and other unique attributes its vehicles have become known for.

“We’re missing the fun factor in all this,” Read the full story

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