Opponents of SeaTac’s Minimum Wage Push-Polled me, Obviously Running Scared

There’s a dirty trick in politics called the push poll. That’s when pollsters seek to sway the election by sowing seeds of doubt. Bush did it (successfully) against McCain, and the No On Prop-1 people in Seatac tried it on me.

Editor of this paper named as plaintiff against voting injustice.

A push poll is very brief, and they don’t care what the answers are. They just want to poison your mind, even if it’s with known and willful misinformation.

When Bush push-polled against McCain (who was surging in the primary polls in 2004,) the one question survey was “Does the fact that John McCain has an illigitimate black baby make you more, or less likely to vote for him?”

An especially dirty question, since McCain had adopted that orphaned child, which was a noble thing by any account, but it’s not exactly like we’re holding George W. Bush up as a model for ethical behavior.

The push pollster who came to my door was little better:

1 – There will be costs to enforcing the new minimum wage, which will either cause higher taxes or a cut to public safety like police and fire… does that make you less likely to vote for it, or more likely?

What the hell kind of question is that? She didn’t even give me the option of “doesn’t change my mind,” which is what I said. That’s not a real question and I already felt like I was being vote-raped.

2 – Knowing that this increase in wages will drive businesses out of Seatac and into other cities, does that make you more likely, or less likely to vote for it?

Um… what the hell are you talking about, lady? Where do your assumptions come from? The airport rental car agencies are not going to move to other cities, and the Seatac convention centers aren’t going to scrap to their $300 million facilities? This just makes no sense. Who’s paying you to say to these things to me?

3 – Does the fact that unemployment will go up as employers cut back on staff and reducing hours, increasing joblessness in Seatac make you more likely, or less likely to vote for it…

Okay, honey. I get it.

This poor girl, who admitted she worked for the “No on Prop-1” campaign hadn’t even read the bill herself, and also that she herself made far less than $15/hour, and that such a wage would legitimately change her life.

I told her I’d read all about it online, and she said, “Oh, there used to be pages, but a lot of them have been taken down now…” um… honey, that’s not exactly how the internet works.

There was no “right” answer to these questions, save for the ones they’d already decided they wanted to hear. We weren’t random, we were targeted because we’re registered votes, and likely they knew we’d signed on to the petition.

And the results of this obviously fake poll have never been published. It wasn’t an actual poll, it was designed to sway public opinion, and the opponents to Proposition-One have already spent over $250,000 to get away from paying a living wage to their employees.

If there’s really this much opposition to it, it must be a good thing. These companies don’t fear shutting down and making their profits elsewhere, they fear staying here and making a slightly smaller killing.

Remember, corporations do not answer to the community, but to their shareholders.

Hilton properties are guilty of keeping their employees poor. Alaska Airlines is particularly active in trying to keep wages low. Wally Park is right there with them. Avoid these businesses if you support a living wage.

Seriously guys? Putting profits above your most dedicated workers who bring in your livlihood, while denying them a living wage? That’s just shameful, and putting tens of thousands into opposing it is shameless.

If this law comes to a vote and passes, it will have zero effect on me. I’ve only know one person whose husband may or may not be affected by this. I support it because it’s the right thing to do.

If you reach to wish me regarding this matter, please use the contact page and be as detailed as possible so I can get back in touch with you. For general thoughts, please use the Comments box below.

Author: Brian White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.