JAKARTA Indonesia (GlossyNews) — At the insistence of Muslim holy leaders in the Saudi Arabian city of Mecca, an incredibly accurate new GPS tracking system will be installed to thwart anti-Islamic hackers who have recently been caught attempting to alter GPS signals to divert prayers meant to be recited directly towards Mecca. Read the full story

Phoenix, AZ – Now that Phoenix is ridding itself of its “melting pot of the Southwest” image, its Chamber of Commerce is doing everything it can to attract metrosexuals to their fair city—if you have to ask, you’re not welcome. “We are now looking to woo men who are well-groomed, well-dressed, and well-spoken, especially well-spoken,” said Chamber president, Rex Underscore. Read the full story

New Canaan, Connecticut – Fox Television and radio personality, Glenn Beck was found wandering along Merritt Parkway close to his home in New Canaan, Connecticut early Thursday morning around 2 a.m. He was naked and confused and muttering “don’t freakin’ tread on me, don’t freakin’ tread on Glenn Beck, for I am your Savior,” and was taken to the nearest hospital for observation. He was openly weeping. Read the full story