Tag Archive | "malaysia mh370"

Malaysian Airliner Wins Gold in 2014’s Hide and Seek Olympic Tournament


Malaysian Airliner MH370 staff and passengers were officially declared 2014’s Hide and Seek gold champions by the International Olympics Committee this week leaving millions pissed that the team did not attempt to break the world record set by Osama Bin Laden back in 2001.

When questioned about the world record, President of the IOC, Thomas Bach, replied, “Never in my life have I seen such dedication set by a group of people such as these Malaysian folks. I have to say that pulling this off for weeks on end without help and only four people dead is a real achievement, but it wasn’t enough for them to become true hall-of-famers.” Read the full story

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Millionaire tricks CNN into stopping its Coverage of Missing Malaysian Plane


Dateline: ATLANTA—Elderly oddball millionaire, Huey Longbottom, shuns the internet and receives all of his news from CNN, but taking no interest in the missing Malaysian plane, which CNN has covered exhaustively for several weeks, Longbottom orchestrated several bizarre spectacles to garner CNN’s attention and entice the news channel to exchange its lead story.
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US To Send Bullshit Detector To Malaysia


In the latest effort to uncover the fate of MH370, the United States has announced it will send a state of the art Bullshit Detector to Malaysia.

“The BSD will be located adjacent to the Perdana Putra building, which houses the Office of the Prime Minister and, coincidentally, the headquarters of Malaysia Airlines,” stated a press release from the US Joint Chiefs of Staff.

“We believe the placement of this device will uncover the truth of what happened to the ill fated airliner and help bring closure to the friends and relatives of crew and passengers.”

The technical specifics and capabilities of the BSD are cloaked in secrecy, but knowledgeable sources said it includes a combination of high tech eavesdropping devices, high altitude drones, Internet and social networking hacking software and Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show”.

In related news the government of Malaysia revealed it detected low altitude radar pings that may have emanated from MH370 over Lake Tanganyika in Africa. Dozens of international airplanes and ships have broken off their search in the southern Indian Ocean and are now progressing at full speed to Tanzania.

photo credit: D.C.Atty via photopin cc

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France Finds Missing Flight 370


After waiting more than ten days to jump into the search for Flight 370, France declared it has found the ill fated airliner off the coast of Italy.

“We were delayed due to union repairs on our sole high imaging satellite which experienced a malfunction several years ago.

“Luckily, when it became operational, it was positioned directly over the spot where the plane went down and we found it within minutes,” said French Foreign Minister Pepe Lepew.

The lone satellite image released by France shows MH370 lying on its side in shallow water just yards off the west coast of Italy near Isola del Giglio.

“We were surprised, it was larger than expected.” added Lepew.

Breadstix.

photo credit: StefoF via photopin cc

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