Tag Archive | "low-information voters"

Dear American Refugees, Welcome to Canada


Greetings, American Refugees,

On behalf of the people of Canada, we would like to welcome you to our country. We hope you’ll enjoy your stay. We’re starting to worry about your nation’s apparent complete psychological breakdown. You were doing so well these past eight years with President Obama.

He seemed like an awfully nice fellow. We’re not really sure what has caused your country to go off the rails, but as we’ve watched your presidential election primary coverage, it appears millions of your fellow Americans have gone utterly bonkers. Read the full story

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Harvard Law Launches “Stupidity is No Barrier” Policy


CAMBRIDGE – A new policy ratified by Harvard Law School will ensure that admissions officers do not discriminate against candidates on account of their stupidity.

The fresh statute includes a clause which says “No heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual, genderfluid or transfag admissions staffer may disqualify a candidate on account of stupidity, which includes low academic performance or general inability to function intelligently in a difficult situation.” Read the full story

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Tea Party Demonstrators Call For Lower Taxes, Smaller Vocabulary


WASHINGTON D.C. – Throughout a rousing rally on Capitol Hill Tuesday, hundreds of Tea Party demonstrators – voicing their disapproval of Barack Obama’s presidency – championed the idea of lowering taxes and downsizing the nation’s vocabulary.

Speaking over a bullhorn, Tea Party stalwart Terry Higgins gave a damning criticism of what he perceived as the Obama administration’s attempt to expand the size of the national lexicon, with repeated use of words like “vitriolic,” “insatiable,” and “rationale.” Read the full story

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Sarah Palin Perfectly (Pant-)Suited for Supreme Court


News-Ruse hereby endorses former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin to fill the next vacancy on the U.S. Supreme Court.

We at News-Ruse know that Palin is not a lawyer but the Supreme Court already has lawyers. Look at Clarence Thomas. We believe he is a lawyer, although since he doesn’t talk it is hard to be sure. Read the full story

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