Tag Archive | "jesus"

Jesus Puts Population of Heaven at 150, Tops


WEST CHESTER, PA. – The civilized world was gobsmacked yesterday by Jesus’ off-hand remark that there are roughly 150 people in heaven. That’s 1-to-the-5-plus-0, period, the population of septic fields like Armpit, New Mexico, and Chowder Falls, Wisconsin.

If your brain hurts from trying to cope with the notion that there are fewer people in heaven than there are in Starbucks on a Sunday morning, try coping with this instead: if fewer than one one-bazillionth of one percent of all the people who have ever lived were good enough to get into heaven, you’re probably screwed. Read the full story

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Virgin Mary Image Appears in Mex Meth Lab


Unconfirmed reports out of Mexico are claiming that a stain on a bench in a meth lab located in the small town of Arre Pentido bears a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary. Villagers from all around have flocked to the meth lab to view the image for themselves and to pray for miracles. Lines have formed with people bearing candles, flowers and statues of the Virgin Mary to place at the site of the image. Read the full story

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Was Jesus a British Citizen?


If one is to believe the latest Gospel being proclaimed from on high by Scottish academic and archaeologist Reverend ‘Gorbals Jack’ McTwattie, Jesus Christ came to Britain to further his education and help out his old pikey Uncle – Joseph of Arimathea – with his pioneering tin canning business. Read the full story

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