Tag Archive | "ivy league"

Chapter 1: Let Freedom Blaze! (Honest Adolph Novel Serial, Volume 2)


Wow! Here we go with Volume 2. Now, isn’t this exciting!
Hope you enjoyed the first one. There’s plenty more to come!
Here, we say Senator Willow, a key ally of Saul and Adolph, deploring the hard times facing American democracy and all freedom lovers.
Senator Bubble, however, remains as morally depraved as either.

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HS Student Answers Every SAT Question w/ “Google”, Gets Perfect Score


HERMINIE, PA — Local High School Student Roger Burman recently scored a perfect 2400 on the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) after answering every question with the word, “Google,” sources report.

According to English Teacher Frank Gimley, who proctored the exam, “I figured something was different about [Burman] right off the bat. We started with the Mathematics section, and all these kids were scrawling equations like crazy. But not Roger. Read the full story

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Patronization Conference — Probably Not Your Cup of Tea, Anyway


Princeton, NJ (GlossyNews) — Elite Ivy League Educators, students, and a cross section of the nation’s most powerful business and social leaders are meeting this week for the first annual “Patronization Expo” being held just off the campus of scenic Princeton University. The Expo, billed by organizers as, “A free-flowing exchange of complex ideas that do not concern you,” began amid controversy as a delegation of sociologists representing the University of California at Berkley had its credentials rejected on grounds they were merely “pretentious,” and not actually “patronizing.” Read the full story

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Status Update: Brian White Rejected from Harvard


[Ed Note: This story was originally run on Monday April 12, but we inadvertently left out all of the nouns.]

Boston, Mass (GlossyNews) In sad and disappointing news this morning, Glossy News publisher Brian White was informed by officials at Harvard University that they had considered his application and had decided they could not accept him for enrollment. Read the full story

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Rhode Island Announces Plans to Secede from Union, Align with Zanzibar


Providence, RI (GlossyNews) Finally fed up with being classified as the America’s smallest state and with the perceived lack of respect accompanying that classification, teeny, weeny Rhode Island announced plans today to sever ties with the other 49 states. With size in mind, Rhode Island officials specifically chose to merge with Zanzibar based primarily on the east African country’s physical dimensions.

“We wanted to chose someplace relatively small so that we would seem proportionately larger than we do in the U.S.,” explained Vito Gigante, spokesman for the Rhode Island General Assembly, to no one in particular. Read the full story

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