Tag Archive | "Indianapolis"

Adorable Indianapolis Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It a Major City


INDIANAPOLIS – As the Super Bowl nears its conclusion, the quite adorable city of Indianapolis is still desperately trying to convince the rest of the country that it is a major metropolis.

Pulling in thousands of football fans from the east coast, the cute little city has seen huge crowds in the city center over the last two weeks, something that city officials are reluctant to admit is actually something of a rarity. Read the full story

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State of Indiana to Introduce Bus


INDIANAPOLIS – Following months of tireless debate, officials in Indiana have announced plans to introduce a workable and comprehensive bus.

Enduring decades without a recognizable public transportation system, many in the Hoosier State – particularly those living outside of Indianapolis – have written to the governor’s office to petition Governor Mitch Daniels to approve funding for a small, 48-passenger seat bus with 6 to 8 wheels. Read the full story

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Indianapolis Mayor Thinks A Bunch of Really Tall Skyscrapers Would Be Pretty Neat


INDIANAPOLIS – Peering philosophically out of his city-council building office window Monday, Mayor of Indianapolis Greg Ballard thinks that a whole bunch of “really freaking tall” skyscrapers would be pretty neat right about now.

Even though his office remains devoid of the sort of budget that would fund such a project, Mr Ballard privately imagines what it would be like to replace Monument Circle with a record-breaking 3,000 ft structure he would affectionately name Ballard Tower. Read the full story

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Fewer Trick-Or-Treaters Than 20 Years Ago, Lament Nation’s Pedophiles


INDIANAPOLIS – Ahead of this year’s Halloween, the nation’s pedophiles lamented Monday the relatively low number of children seen trick-or-treating on the streets in recent years.

Recalling a time when groups of young children would freely mobilize between houses in search of candy, sex offenders from across the country laid blame on the media and its “whirlwind of paranoia” for the apparent decline in trick-or-treaters. Read the full story

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God Puts Global Warming on Hold for A Few Days


INDIANAPOLIS – As temperatures dropped Tuesday to a low of 39° F across the Midwest, God announced that global warming will be put on hold for a few days, while he just tests out a few things.

Eager to continue the mild fall-winter transition that Hoosiers saw in 2011, The Almighty said that residents in Indiana could expect to see no more than fourteen days of decreased temperatures, insisting that global warming will recommence in earnest on or around October 20. Read the full story

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