Tag Archive | "gun violence"

Christmas Eve Massacre Leaves 15 Dead, Red-Nosed Reindeer in Custody


A lone shooter killed 15 in a bloody Christmas Eve massacre at the North Pole, sparking pandemonium when he lobbed a smoke bomb into a reindeer pen and opened fire from the roof atop Santa’s workshop.

North Pole law enforcement officials said the suspect in the shooting is Rudolph L. May, though many used to laugh and call him “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,” or “the 9th reindeer.” Read the full story

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New Theme Park, ‘Stand Your Ground Land’ Opens Up in Orlando


ORLANDO, FL- Amidst the controversy of the recent verdict in the Zimmerman trial, the National Rifle Association has opened up a new theme park in the popular tourist location of Orlando, Florida. The theme park features a drive through safari inhabited by at risk, inner city youth. Although the park has been under scrutiny for this segment of their theme park, they also have been scrutinized for their section of the park themed after the literary classic, The Most Dangerous Game. Read the full story

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NASA Locates 3 New Earth-like Planets That Could Theoretically Support Death


CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA — The NASA Program recently announced that their scientists have located three new Earth-like planets, each of which could theoretically support death.

According to NASA’s lead researcher Dr. Hans Von Gunn, “Using our Kepler satellite, we were able to track down a trio of planets not dissimilar to our own. Our hope is that some, if not all, of these planets may be able to support human life and, perhaps more importantly, our overwhelming desire to extinguish it at every chance we get.” Read the full story

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Olympic Athlete Can’t Run From Charges


Well respected olympic athlete Oscar Pistorius was charged this morning with murder in the shooting death of his model girl friend. Police report that there is a history of abuse in their relationship and are relieved that this is probably the last incident that they will need to respond to.

Oscar often referred to as the “Blade Runner” did not actually use a knife in this brutal attack, instead opting for the more feminine use of a gun. This has more than likely rewritten his legacy, apologies for the pun, in a way that nobody had ever envisioned.

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Bikers Ride Whole Hog for NRA


WASHINGTON DC–Motorcycle clubs across America have accepted the challenge to protect this country’s schools.

NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre recently stated an armed police officer be placed in every school.

America’s bikers have stepped up in “whole hog” support.

“Hell, I’ll ride up bright and early before first bell, proudly wearing school colors against my own,” stated a biker who identified himself as a Hells Angel, although proof of membership was not provided at time of interview. Read the full story

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