Tag Archive | "federal reserve"

Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High


WASHINGTON – Faith that the Federal Reserve Bank will finally raise interest rates, after years of broken promises, is now at an all-time high.

“The Fed is really going to raise rates after our next meeting,” said Norman Bates, Chair of the Philadelphia Federal Reserve. “We promise. Personally, I’m betting big on a substantial interest rate hike. I can’t wait.”

“Of course we will raise the interest rate,” said New York Fed Chair David Rockemellon. “We just have to do it at our next meeting.” Read the full story

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“Drones May Not Attack Banks” says new U.S. Drone Czar


WASHINGTON – The newly appointed US Drone Czar announced today that attack drones operating on US soil may not attack US banks without prior approval of the Federal Reserve Bank.

“Let me be clear,” stated General Quentin Easing, the new US Homeland Drone Czar. “We are only permitted to attack US banks on US soil with attack drones if we receive prior authorization from the US Federal Reserve Bank. We can’t just attack any bank we like. It’s the law.” Read the full story

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Federal Reserve: “We Can Print Dollars Forever”


WASHINGTON – Federal Reserve chair Janet Yellen yesterday affirmed her confidence that the Federal Reserve Bank can “print dollars forever.”

Yellen stated at the National Press Club: “The Federal Reserve can expand its balance sheet indefinitely. We are prepared to inject as much liquidity into the world economy as is necessary to preserve our American way of life.” Read the full story

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Stimulus Bonanza – Federal Reserve to Sell Vitamin Supplements


Jackson Hole, WY (GlossyNews): Mired with increasing signals of an unexpected economic slowdown and the possibility of a double dip recession, the Federal Reserve announced a series of “unconventional” programs it is prepared to undertake in order to stabilize the economy. Standing prominently among various initiatives including further quantitative easing, maintaining record law interest rates, and increased buying of sovereign dept, the Federal Reserve plans to begin selling a full line of vitamin supplements are part of a multi-level marketing campaign. Read the full story

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Will Queen Elizabeth Soon Grace the US Dollar?


Where can the good news feasibly begin when the Rainbow starts and ends in crocks of festering shite?

The UN’s Climate Conference in Copenhagen has been pre-cursed and already daubed a well-deserved full seven shades of corrupt and deceitful shit-brown hue since the recent – though timely – exposure of the purposeful manipulation and falsification of historical meteorological records and global warming data feloniously committed by greedy academics and Read the full story

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