Tag Archive | "fatwa"

Sneezing is One Tenth of an Orgasm: Islamic State Make War on Moldy Houses


ISIS and dodgy landlords.
One is an evil gang of nefarious gangsters and mafiosi, who give zero fucks about anyone else, and will trample over anyone in their day, doing whatever it takes to expand their evil empire.
The other one is an Islamic terrorist organization!
Still, it turns out that the freewheeling, freeriding anarcho-capitalist idealists and rugged individualists, er, Unitarians, are not at all satisfied with their radical Marxist housing policy of forcibly de-gentrifying the ancient Syrian metropolis of Palmyra. Read the full story

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Woman Who Regularly Chastises People for Offensive Jokes Now ‘Stands with Charlie Hebdo’


Accompanied by her usual catch phrase, “this is NOT ok,” 25-year-old Katherine James posted an article on Facebook Wednesday night about how the tragic events regarding the French satire publication Charlie Hebdo “is a sad day for the freedom of expression.”

James, who just a few weeks prior posted an article condemning Chris Rock’s Saturday Night Live monologue because it addressed 9/11 and the Boston Marathon tragedies, went on to declare that the shooting of several French satirists for making a Muhammed joke was a “disgusting” event that violated the concept of freedom of speech that was fundamental to modern Western civilizations. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, CrimeComments (1)

Jihadists Taking Pre-Marital Classes to Prep for 70-Virgin Afterlife


The newest Jihadists have been instructed in a rare, word-of-mouth Al Qaeda fatwa to begin learning the most important teaching of their future suicidehood — that of preparing themselves for their final reward, the 70 black-eyed virgins. So-called “fighters” are being told to marry the widows of those who have fallen before them. They need to prepare physically for the arduous task after their suicides, how to keep 70 virgins happy in the afterlife. Read the full story

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Fatwa Declared Against GlossyNews Writer


LONDON, UK (GlossyNews) — A Fatwa has been declared against GlossyNews as a reaction to the thousands of articles ridiculing the Taliban, suicide bombers, Muslim clerics, Islamic law and a host of other things that seem strange and humorous to infidels. Internal GlossyNews security personnel issued a red alert throughout the elegant British headquarters at Number 12 Downing Street, which resides next to the Prime Minister’s offices. Read the full story

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Islamic Extremists Issue Fatwa Against American Poodle


SAN FRANCISCO, CA (GlossyNews) — Incensed Islamic extremists issued a fatwa early this evening against an American Muslim poodle named Crystal accused of breeding with an infidel St. Bernard named Herb. “Crystal has been seeing Herb at a local dog park on and off for several months,” said the courtesan canine’s owner, who strenuously requested anonymity. “One afternoon I lost sight of her… one thing led to another and, well, you know…” Read the full story

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