Tag Archive | "early bird"

Early Risers Threaten World Domination


Cambridge, Mass – GlossyNews.com – As if there weren’t enough catastrophes hanging over the world already, Harverford University’s World Crisis Laboratory has identified a brand new threat to planet earth, namely, early risers.

What are early risers? They’re those zombie-like folks seen haunting subway platforms at five and six o’clock in the morning; driving cars with headlights on in the gloom of early winter mornings, even in dense snowstorms; ascending in office building elevators eager to get to their offices at a time of day when normal people are still under covers in warm beds hitting the snooze button on their clock radio for the sixth time. Read the full story

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Decline in Shopping Related Deaths Worries Retailers


New York, NY — Cautious retail executives sounded a note of warning on late Christmas Season sales despite early indicators of a slight increase in consumer spending over last year. According to these industry leaders, there is “a certain lack of enthusiasm from consumers” indicating the selling season may end early.

“Last year, despite the poor results, consumers were doing their best to stimulate the terrible economic conditions,” said one high ranking industry insider. Read the full story

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