Center of Universe Needs Diaper Changing

INDIANAPOLIS – The center of local couple Jeff and Angela Paulson’s universe needed its diaper changing Saturday, after defecating all over its Pampers slip-on.

Even though it is routinely described as the “greatest thing in the world”, the multicellular organism also managed to spill juice all over the newly installed upholstery.

“I asked Jeff if he could take care of it this time, since I had to do it the last three times,” said Mrs Paulson, suggesting that this was not the first occasion on which the entity they fondly refer to as “our beautiful little angel” had pooped its pants. “I took care of the issue on the sofa, though.”

Despite also having the honor of being the light of the couple’s lives, the 2-foot homo-sapien nonetheless frequently stares off into space, drooling incessantly on its chin.

“This little one is more beautiful than all the stars combined,” continued Mrs Paulson, wiping away saliva from the oral area of the 7-month old primate. “Who’s a little cutie? Who’s a little cutie pie? Yes, you are!”

Meanwhile, it is widely expected that in approximately 14 years, the center of the universe will not only expand in size, but will likely go on to develop acne.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

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