Tag Archive | "Dennis Rodman"

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (2)


-Peter, great loyalty demands great sacrifice

As you found out last time, the entire Glossy News team has been arrested on fake charges for prostitution…

Although a certain informer called Wallace Runnymede (who shall remain anonymous, in order to have evade having the crap beaten out of him by his erstwhile peers, as some have framed it)…

But yes, His Most Exalted Shit-Stirriness has traded security for liberty by making a sneaky plea bargain, in order to dump the other guys in it.

… Oh come on, don’t be so judgmental! Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, Strange PeopleComments (2)

North/South Korea Talks Falter, Cancel Family Reunion


High level negotiations establishing a reunion for separated families in North and South Korea broke down Wednesday over a miscommunication on venue.

After several weeks it was believed representatives had agreed to hold the event at Disney World this August and included a talent show, karaoke and a Korean War reenactment for children under 12.

However, North Korean diplomats balked when the South Korean delegates consistently mentioned Orlando Florida. Read the full story

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Dennis Rodman Admits He May Have Tiger Blood Also


Dennis Rodman is in rehab. Big surprise after his latest trip to North Korea. Yeah, he got drunk, big whup. He was probably high as well on some good Korean ganga too. Anything papasan want? Anything? You name it Joe, we get for you.

“Yeah, I want the biggest-ass bottle of sake you got and a bowl-ful of that Korean home grown, thanks kindly, Kim.”

And then this, “You know man, I am like so Charlie Sheen-ing right now. I swear I got tiger blood.”

You want holang-i pi? Joe? Tiger blood. Get Joe some tiger blood.

“No, no man, my blood, it’s like…oh never mind.”

[takes another hit off the makeshift bong made from an old piece of pipe and some rice paper]

“What was I saying? Oh yea, Tiger Woods, no…wait yeah, I wanna go golfing. You got clubs?”

Oh yeah, Joe, we got clubs, and rockets, nuclear ones, better than clubs, clubs are for suckers.

“No, no, man, c’mon, give peace a chance. Golf, I want to go golfing…”

No, Joe, we don’t have golf here, fees to club are too expensive. Damn Americans. Sorry Joe, present company excluded.

“Uh, okay then, I think Imma head back over to the states and soak in a hot tub someplace where they know what the hell golf is or whatevahhhh.”

[Takes one last hit off the bong and finishes up the sake before laying back on the comfy floor mattress and lets out a little roar, more like a yawn, really, and crashes for the night.]

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Dennis Rodman Found Drunk Face Down in Pyongyang Alley


PYONGYANG, N. KOREA – Dennis Rodman is alive and, at present, sober after being found face down in a small mud puddle in an alleyway adjacent to the Pyongyang stadium where he sang “Happy Birthday” to N. Korean leader Kim Jong Un on Wednesday.

Sources close to Rodman claim the washed up basketball player drank heavily the night of his birthday tribute. Rodman found out the hard way that in North Korea, if you drink heavily, you are on your own, regardless of whether or not you resemble Marilyn Monroe in any way. Read the full story

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Dennis Rodman Fails to Arrive at Kim Jong Un Palace


Pyongyang, N. Korea – Dennis Rodman reportedly sent a look-alike imposter in his place to supreme leader, Kim Jong Un’s palace Thursday. The leader of N. Korea is said to be hopping mad and may be readying the execution squad yet another time this month.

“He promise he come back see me, bring many, many good basketball player. He no show up,” Jong Un was quoted as saying after throwing a lavish party consisting of the one chicken left in the state larders, along with two cucumbers and a spaghetti squash left over from the summer harvest. Read the full story

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Posted in Sportsfolk, World NewsComments (0)

Dennis Rodman Missing After Jang Song Thaek’s Execution


Although the mainstream media is reporting that Dennis Rodman is still planning on traveling to North Korea next week to begin training North Korea’s basketball team, no one close to Rodman has seen him since the execution of Kim Jong Un’s uncle, Jang Song Thaek Friday.

Friends close to Rodman claim that he has not been heard from since early Friday morning, and his own personal trainer says he did not show up at the gym as usual Friday afternoon. Read the full story

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