Tag Archive | "democrat"

Blagojevich Turns Air Blue, Flame-Grills Gordon Ramsay’s Ass (NSFW)


Rod Blagojevich hasn’t been content with his recent numerous high profile media appearances.

You know, Celebrity Apprentice, biased FOX/MSNBC news reports, Oprah Winfrey…

And even the “Wanted” posters pinned up in a certain large urban settlement in Illinois.

So he’s decided that in order to really hit the big-time again, and be “wanted” in a much “nicer” way, an appearance on Celebrity Career Re-boot (Culinary Version) was a pressing necessity. Read the full story

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Koch Bros. Buy Democratic Party, Harry Reid Short Circuits


Washington, D.C. – The Koch Brothers have had it with Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader from Nevada, and his constant railing against the brothers every time he props himself up against the podium on the floor of the Senate to spew asinine comments in recent months. So they bought the Democratic Party.

RIGHT: The Koch brothers share the dais with Senator Reid. (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com. Read the full story

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Congress to Pit Literal Donkey v. Elephant to Determine Best Political Party


Democrats and GOP Anxious to Find Out How Animals That Represent Them Will Fare in Battle For Zoological Dominance

WASHINGTON DC—In a startling attempt to determine, once in for all, which party reigns supreme in US government, members of congress have agreed to let a donkey and an elephant fight to the death in the foyer of the Capitol Building in Washington DC.

The two creatures will be angered by electrical prodding and then released into a small pen where they will be forced to kick, stomp, and smash each others’ bodies until a survivor is deemed victorious. Read the full story

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The Koch Addiction


It’s not every day that a U.S. Congressman wants to talk to a reporter about his addiction. In keeping with his request for anonymity, however, I have deleted any references that might reveal his identity, and therefore refer to him in this report with a fictitious name, Congressman Boner.

RIGHT: The Koch Brothers peddle political addiction. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Netanyahu Declares Candidacy for U.S. President


GlossyNews.com – Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today called a press conference to announce that he would accept the position of U.S. President, which he hoped would end the acrimony and divisiveness of the Romney-Obama rivalry for the office. Following is a transcript:

RIGHT: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu declares his candidacy for U.S. President. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Democrats Concede 2012 Election


In an unprecedented move, President Obama and all democratic candidates have conceded the election to their respective opponents. Democratic Party Chairman Debbie Wasserman Schultz announced the collective concession this morning. Initially believed to be an elaborate early Halloween prank, it was quickly determined by mid-morning that all democratic candidates had indeed thrown in the towel. Read the full story

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Democrats Narrowly Avert Threat of Democracy


In a historic and unprecedented move, the Democratic Party asked the delegates at its 2012 national convention in Charlotte, North Carolina to use democratic procedures to approve a platform amendment.

At the last minute, however, they avoided the whim of popular will by creatively interpreting an evenly divided voice vote as a two-thirds majority approval.

At stake were two issues combined in one amendment: the inclusion of a reference to God in the plank on religion and a declaration that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel[1]. Read the full story

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Corporations Broker Historic Repub/Dem Compromise to Boost U.S. Economy


As unlikely as it may seem in the throes of an increasingly vicious national election, U.S. Republicans and Democrats appear to be in agreement on providing a major stimulant to the economy – the elections themselves.

Now that corporations are properly recognized as people and money as free speech, the coffers of both parties are filled to overflowing.

I was having a drink with a corporation the other day, and she explained (Disclosure: I had left my free speech in my other purse, so she paid the bill). “Our new ability to spend as much as we want to buy elections means that this can be a major source of economic activity.” Read the full story

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Democratic National Convention to Premiere Joe Biden Reality TV Show


Charlotte, North Carolina – A week before the Democratic National Convention is scheduled to start, leaked sources indicated that the convention will feature a premiere of Joe Biden’s new reality TV show, Joe the Vice President.

It aims to be the “most epic” reality show, says Biden.

The show’s format will be Joe Biden traveling the country, performing random jobs and duties normally done by ordinary citizens. After the leak, Biden has been giving multiple interviews at press junkets and conferences. Read the full story

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In 4yrs, Biden Successfully Increased GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product) by 80%


The White House released its figures for economic and social growth over the last four years and are very excited about sharing one particular statistic that stood out above the rest.

Apparently, during his first term as Vice President, Joe Biden single-handedly increased the social equivalent of the GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product) by over eighty percent (narrowly nudging Quayle from the top spot).

Read Also:
Stupid things said by Mitt Romney
Stupid things said by Barack Obama

We have compiled an abbreviated version for you; a more complete list can be found at various sites like politicalhumor.about.com. Read the full story

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Mitt Ryan Picks Paul Romney for VP; and a Political Bromance Blossoms


In one of the most romantic scenes since Gosling kissed McAdams in the rain, former governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts offered Congressman Paul Ryan of Wisconsin his hand in political matrimony.

Not only did Governor Romney offer Ryan a place at his side, he solidified his commitment by offering his name too. Congressman Ryan was so overwhelmed by the gesture, that he immediately did the same. Read the full story

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First Weiner, Now Boehner, Caught Pants Down


In what can only be described as a doubly penetrating scandal, pictures have now emerged of an exposed Boehner. According to a source close to Boehner, the politician is currently involved in a scandal involving emails sent to a 68-year-old male resident of the Phillipines, named Ping Tong. Read the full story

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Paleontologists Find Mastodon Remains in Congressmen Waxman’s Paleolithic Nostrils


Washington, DC- Glossy News(House of Representatives-Capitol Hill) Congressmen Henry Waxman (D-CA) never guessed he would be in the news for something un-related to politics, but stranger things have happened to people as strange looking as the Democratic Representative from California’s 30th District. Read the full story

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GOP Takes Issue with Democrats Breathing In or Out


RICHMOND, Virginia (GlossyNews) — In a statement today endorsed by Republicans in both the Senate and the House, the entire Republican party has taken issue with the breathing patterns of Democrats.

“We feel that once again the Democrats are flip-flopping on important issues including which way to breathe,” said Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele. Read the full story

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GOP Prepares Mother Ship in Wake of Healthcare Bill


Roswell, NM (GlossyNews) — The Right Wing leaders in the US House and Senate have declared they are preparing their Mother Ship to return to wherever they came from now that Obama’s health care plan was passed into law.

“We came here over two hundred years ago with one mission,” announced a bleak Mitch McConnell, flanked by the rest of the conservative leadership, “to rip apart the social fabric of the United States, to keep the downtrodden under the jack boot of oppression, to slice and dice humanity and pit the slices against each other for political gain, Read the full story

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Democrats Reaching Out to Werewolves


Washington DC (GlossyNews) — Speaker Pelosi this week followed triumph with triumph, again displaying her political acumen by securing the coveted Werewolf vote. The move stunned even Pelosi’s harshest critics speechless, shaking their heads in grudging admiration.

A visibly euphoric Pelosi introduced Larry Talbot to reporters at her tastefully decorated offices, and wisely stepped back from the spotlight, savoring yet another victory. Mr. Talbot, chairman of the Lycanthrope Support Network put a decidedly ‘middle America’ face on the usually apolitical Werewolf community.
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