Tag Archive | "comics"

ISIS Targets U.S. Comicbook Market


ISIS is reported to be using old established oil smuggling routes to sell oil on the black market for millions of dollars. While that certainly is a lot of money, it is insignificant compared to the market they are currently tapping. Comics.

While CIA analysts concede that ISIS is the best funded, most sophistocated terror network the world has ever seen, they conclude, “They ain’t Hydra”. This may appear reassuring, but when one considers the fact that Hydra does not exist and ISIS does, it brings into question the CIA’s grip on reality. Then things got weirder.

Additional revelations coming out of the CIA recently point to a huge strike in the U.S. by ISIS aimed squarely at the comicbook industry. According to a classified CIA report uncovered by The National Enquirer, ISIS has been cultivating disaffected youth in the U.S. for several years.

“The largest repository of aimless, disassociated, anti-social or simply socially inept males of low intelligence, high gullibility and no girlfriends is in the comicbook demographics,” said Dr. Gunter Chang, Director of Cognitive Studies at the Central Intelligence Agency. “This makes them wide open for any type of depraved imagery and twisted reality.”

“But enough preaching about Seth Rogen! Let me be blunt!” Chang continued. “Youth that shuts out reality playing games comprise only 13% of successful recruiting efforts by ISIS. That’s because at least they are doing something. Porn aficionados make up less than 1%. Joysticks aside, the comicbook demographics make up the rest. The radicalization potential of an empty vessel approaches infinity in the presence of a cataylst like glossy-over-stylized-pseudo-violent-make-believe.”

Others at the CIA claim to have uncovered ISIS connections in a string of what were initally thought to be unreated events of vandelism and arson focused on comic resellers. The arson attacks on warehouses of Mile High Comics in Colorado and MyComicShop in Dallas, two of the largest reseller of back issues and used comics in the U.S., is only the tip of the iceberg.

‘I don’t know whether to laugh or cry,” said Chuck Rzanski, The Godfather of the industry and somewhat bi-polar owner of Mile High Comics. “All my inventory, gone in an instant, kind of like the value of Superman Vol 2 Issue# 75, The Death of Superman,” Rzanski laughed manically before pulling a gun and forcing an end to the interview.

What these high profile attacks has done is send the price of silver and copper age comics through the roof and it is believed that ISIS is selling it’s own vast comicbook collection on the black market for millions. Plus they are rumored to be launching 12 new comic titles after the first of the year.

A video released after the attack on the warehouse of Searchlight Comics in New Jersey showed a black clad teen recklessly swinging a blade around, injuring a few other black clad figures standing nearby. When the video resumed, the figure declared “Death to the U.S. comic industry!” and added, “Maybe now my freaking Punisher collection will be worth something.” He promised more attacks on comic related activities in the near future until his mother came down to the basement and made him stop.

Experts at the CIA tried to mitigate the extent of the threat. They point out that the comic industry is a very resilient hard target that has seen tougher times than this. According to counter-terrorism expert Frank Castle, “This may sound dire, but from our analysis The Punisher is never going to be worth crap!”

Share

Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (13)

Even Dogs Can Be Politically Correct (comic)


Political Correctness is pretty annoying at times. Maybe I grew up in a different time, but why can’t I call a Dutchman a clog-stomping windmill-gypsy? And why can’t I call gypsies Greasy Dutchmen?

Well dogs learn from us and our pets are largely on the same page. I could ruin the joke for you, but I’m just not in the mood. So please to enjoy. Read the full story

Share

Posted in ComicsComments (0)

Contest: Bet You Cannot Spot the Difference


You’ll want to enlarge it (by clicking on the image) and study it studiously. The first reader to write back to me with the difference will receive a $20 Visa gift card. Can you spot the difference, or do you have to cheat?

CLICK the image to enlarge it and see it full-size.

NOTE: Reader Erickj2 snapped up the prize within mere seconds of going live, apparently by simply reading the footer of the graphic.

Brian is on temporary personal leave but has left us with an innumerous backlog of comics to share until his return. Check back for daily updates.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

Share

Posted in Comics, Kidz ZoneComments (0)

Are Pets He/She… or IT? (comic)


This troubled me as a young kid. I referred to my dog as a “she” only to be corrected. My dog was apparently an “it”, even though I knew her gender… its gender?

Well that’s the human perspective, so I guess we should look to see the perspective from the beast’s side of it. Read the full story

Share

Posted in ComicsComments (0)

Canine Bulemia Sweeping the Nation (comic)


Everyone wants to be thin and pretty, so it’s easy to see why our beloved dogs fall victim to the same sorts of pressure as humans.

We could be thin by exercising self-restraint, or, you know, we could just jam a fist down our pie-hole and wretch ourselves inside out. Ta-da! We’re thin. Read the full story

Share

Posted in ComicsComments (0)

Jesus Forgives (almost) Everything (comic)


Did you know your sins can be absolved? Did you know your conviction can be overturned in the afterlife? Even if you’ve been sentenced to 15-consecutive life sentences, once you die, you’re absolved and free. That’s the power of Jesus.

You don’t have to live virtuously, just accept Him as your lord and savior. You can continue shooting smack, smacking your woman, and womanizing your neighborhood children… just so long as you love your Christ, accept him as the one true son of God, and maybe throw a few bucks at the church. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Comics, ReligionismComments (0)

Comic Books Say POW to Cancer


Link found between comic books and reduction in cancer risk.

In a world where everything can give you cancer scientists have found that reading comic books reduces the risk.

According to scientists at Brown University ‘a comic book a day can keep cancer at bay’. Having found no real reason for the link they are now speculating about the idea of the readers ‘absorbing’ the powers from the characters which prevents cancer growth as they found readers of the X-Men comics have the lowest risk beloved to be directly related to the character Wolverine, who can regenerate. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (1)

Charlie Brown-Lucy Reunion Ends Badly


Another chapter in the long history of unintended consequences was written this week, as two former child stars found themselves in the no longer adoring media spotlight. By all accounts, things began innocently enough at the Aaron Burr High School reunion for the Class of ’86. It was later in the evening’s festivities that events began to spiral terribly out of control. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Biz NewsComments (0)

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial