A man whose English great-great-great grandfather was murdered then marinated in a hickory sauce for two days before being barbequed and eaten by South Pacific cannibals has taken part in a unique reconciliation ritual on their home island.

In the 1830’s the Reverend Jonah Salmonella and his assistant Jeremiah E. Coli were the most famous brimstone and Hellfire Bible-bashing missionaries of the age – and too, joint founders of the Jesus Crust Church of Latter Day Bakers.
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A UN convoy has finally arrived in rebel-held territory in the Devastated Republic of Congo, bringing supplies to some of the 250,000 refugees displaced by the civil war.

It is the first aid – or meal – since the August Bank Holiday barbeque for those stranded in areas controlled by the simian forces of megalomaniac rebel commander Field Marshall Bonkers N’kunta. Read the full story

Kayotic City, CA – Things turned ugly Wednesday night at a gathering of citizens in favor of President Obama’s Health Care Reform Bill, when a counter-protester ran up to one of the march participants and bit off the tip of his finger. The victim, Phil Langes, was rushed to Los Rabies Hospital and Medical Center’s emergency room; however, the finger tip could not be sewn back on due to the fact that the man who bit it off appears to have swallowed it. Read the full story