Tag Archive | "birthday"

The 13th Annual Biggest Firework Ceremony Begins With a Blast


Kicking it off this September comes an event the whole world has begged to be a part of. Unfortunately for them, only a selected number of Muslims were able to make it inside.

Since 2001, the Annual Biggest Firework Ceremony has been a part of the Al-Qaeda family who have their traditions such as: Executing anyone they come across with, annoyingly chanting their monkey song ‘Allahu Akbar’, and the classic accidental suicide bombing bloopers the entire unibrow family enjoys. Read the full story

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Facebooker Relieved Not to Give Damn About Any of Seven Friends Whose Birthday It Is Today


CAMDEN, N.J. — Area Facebook User Griff Paley reported earlier this morning that he is very much relieved to see that, of the seven Facebook friends who are celebrating birthdays today, there isn’t a single one among them about whom he gives a shit.

Paley, who woke up early to browse the social media site before his morning shower, glanced at the list of birthdays before concluding that none of the names in front of him merited spending the approximately-four-seconds it takes to wish them well. Read the full story

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40th Birthday Completely Disappointing (comic)


Imagine if you threw a war and nobody came? Well that would never happen, since you’d just invade their asses and claim them as your own. But you can throw a 40th birthday and watch it dissolve into nothing but wasted shrimp platters and countless empty chairs.

This comic is about exactly that. I’m not 40, but that’s not the point, and this comic isn’t quite rooted in reality.

I could go on for days, but I’ll spare you and just say that you can SCROLL DOWN to see the full comic.

Brian is on temporary personal leave but has left us with an innumerous backlog of comics to share until his return. Check back for daily updates.

84-birthday-party

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Satire Editor Turns 39, Knows Not What to Do


Ten years ago Glossy News founder Brian White had the unlikely opportunity to turn 29, and I did it, but once and only once. Today he turns 39, and likewise, promises never to do it again. Just too painful.

Back then Glossy News had a diligent, vigilant editor named Mark Fisher working with me. He’s a very funny guy, and a successful guy too, so it’s no wonder he had the good sense to move on. It’s not like they dated or anything, at least not that either of them will admit. Read the full story

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Word ‘Belated’ Now Only Used In Birthday Messages


BLOOMINGTON – It was revealed Monday by linguistic professors at Indiana University that the word “belated” – an adjective whose origins can been traced back to the year 1610 – is now only used in birthday messages.

The word, which is typically applied in phrases such as “happy belated birthday”, is estimated to be in much wider usage since the advent of the internet, specifically following the launch of social media sites such as Facebook. Read the full story

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