Tag Archive | "bill of rights"

Support the Troops: US Troops to Be Quartered in Private Homes


WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration announced today its new policy of quartering US troops and domestic security agents in private residences “for the safety of the people in these dangerous times.”

Known as “Support the Troops,” President Obama himself announced the new Executive Order.

“Let me be clear. This is a time of great national danger. The most effective way to stop another 9/11 or Newtown massacre before it starts is to move troops into private homes where they can protect the people right where they live.” Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

NRA Succeeds In Taking Over U.S.- Bans All Amendments Except Second


The NRA has at last accomplished their goal of taking over the government of what was once was the United States of America.

Initiating a ploy that they were rebels against an unfair, repressive political entity, they succeeding in hiding their real intent until it was too late to stop them.

RIGHT: Regulate this, bitches! (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com.

They had all the guns; the government had only pompous, meaningless words.

The new President for life, Wayne LaPierre, immediately changed his title upon taking office to “The Czar” and declared amnesty for all those in prison for carrying concealed guns or for possessing what was once deemed inappropriate weaponry.

In the same breath he had his legions of henchmen arrest and put before a firing squad anyone who was known to campaign for gun control or to have protested against any war anywhere in the world. Head Henchman Chief Executioner Ted Nugent was heard to say “Yee-haw! Lets have some target practice on these know-it-all pussies right here and now! Beats shooting clay pigeons any day!”

In the hours after LaPierre’s takeover he and his top subordinates engaged in an hours long meeting that convened with them making the announcement that all Constitutional amendments save the second (“the Right to Bear Arms.”) would be banned. The decisions on it went like this:

“Amendment I.- We repeal the right of free speech. We will tell you what to think and do from here on out- or else!
We repeal the right to religion. God and Christ is good enough for us and should be good enough for everyone else too. If you don’t agree we will shoot you in the name of our Lord.
We have the right of assembly. Anyone else should just stay at home with their doors locked.
IV.- In the future the property of NRA members cannot be searched or seized, but we will reserve the right to do such at any other residence we so wish to.
V.- All Individuals accused of a crime will be brought henceforth before a tribunal of NRA officials. Then shot.
VI.- All trials, speedy or otherwise, shall be abolished. Offenders of any sort will simply be shot.
VII.- Common law is now abolished. We ARE the law.
VIII.- Bail shall be set at whatever price the accused cannot afford so that we can throw them in jail and do whatever we want with them.
IX.- From now on we will decide what your rights are and aren’t.
X.- The powers delegated to the Sates are now delegated to us.

The Second Amendment will from now on be the only Amendment recognized and obeyed. And we do mean OBEYED!!!!!!!

III.-The Amendment about quartering soldiers at private homes is still under consideration as we are debating whether to station our more loyal members at the houses of those who refuse to become members. Someone needs to keep an eye on them.

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (4)

Supreme Court OKs Police to Collect Suspects’ DNA, Suspects Excited for Free Handjobs


WASHINGTON — In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court voted 5-4 this week to allow police to collect the DNA of person(s) suspected of “serious” crimes, exciting suspects across the country who are eager to receive their free handjobs.

Despite critics arguing that this new precedent violates the 4th amendment to the constitution which protects against unlawful searches and seizures, suspected criminals themselves have demonstrated their overwhelming support of the Court’s ruling, turning out in droves to police stations across the country to volunteer for this new “government handjobs program.” Read the full story

Share

Posted in CrimeComments (2)

The Amending Of The Amendments- We Take A Trip Back To 1789


Welcome dear readers as we take a trip through time back to when our forefathers were writing that fateful and world famous bit of legislation so beloved and contested over in our time, the Amendments to the Constitution of the United States of America, otherwise known as the Bill of Rights. We hover now above them, fully able to see and hear all that transpires below: Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Healthcare Bill ‘deemed’ Passed in House – Yea or Nay Obsolete?


Washington DC (GlossyNews) — The U.S. House of Representatives passed the America’s Affordable Health Care Choices Act–without ever voting on it. With votes for passage of the bill in short supply, the House Democratic majority simply “deemed” the contentious bill as already having been passed, without any members having to go on record as actually having voted for it.

“Thanks to Democratic legislative ingenuity, affordable health care for all will soon be the law of the land,” exulted Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “The days of votist obstructionism are over: ‘Yea or Nay’ is a thing of the past. Cap and Trade, here we come!” Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Supreme Court Rules Constitution Unconstitutional


Washington, D.C. (GlossyNews) — What began as a commemorative event to honor the exhibition of an original copy of the United States Constitution at the new Capitol Visitor Center, quickly escalated to an impromptu ruling by the Supreme Court that the Constitution is, in fact, unconstitutional. The unanimous ruling came down after several justices haddared one another to read the document. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Congress Places Bill of Rights Up for Auction on eBay


Washington, DC (BSNE): Amid much fanfare, Congressional leaders from both parties announced a new series of aggressive raise revenues to off set the skyrocketing Federal Budget Deficit. At the top of the Initiative is to offer the Bill of Rights for sale to interested parties on eBay. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Biz News, PoliticsComments (3)

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Check This Out!

ca-dress.com shop dresses online

Recommended Sportsbook MyBookie.ag

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial