Tag Archive | "Ann Romney"

Ann Romney Accidentally Leaves Husband Mitt at Gas Station


A preview released by Netflix last week on its upcoming documentary Mitt shows the robotic Presidential candidate appearing human. While it may be somewhat of a stretch for most to believe, it is important to note that Mitt Romney did have his moments. They were just too few and far between to really matter when it came to choosing the leader of our country. Read the full story

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Romney On His Video Gaffe: ‘Obama Is Destroying This Nation’


WASHINGTON D.C. – Attempting to deflect growing criticism following a leaked video allegedly showing him alienating “47%” of the American electorate, Mitt Romney today addressed the issue, declaring: “Obama is ruining this great nation.”

Mr. Romney came under fire Monday after a video surfaced on the alternative news site MotherJones.com in which he appeared to say: “[M]y job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives,” to which he emphatically responded: “Things are much worse than they were four years ago under this president.” Read the full story

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Romney Concedes Election to Obama


With the election still months away, GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney admitted today that he has no chance of winning and has conceded the election to President Obama.

“I completely screwed up”, Romney admitted. “I am out of touch with the American people and my arrogance and stupidity have become clear to everyone. I am abandoning the race and I concede the election to Barak Obama”.

Romney’s friends and supporters were stunned at the announcement. “Yes, he f–ked up but I didn’t think he’d drop out!” said running mate Paul Ryan.

“You’ll have to forgive my husband. He comes across as being so smart but he’s a real dumb ass!” Romney’s wife Ann said.

The election will now be between Obama and Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson and many republicans said they will be switching to Johnson’s side.

“Anyone but Obama”, said former Ku Klux Klan leader Johnny Lee Clary.

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Exposé: Under the Table with the Romneys


The Ann Romney ironing board story unfolds with a new wrinkle.

Photographs posted today by Households Without Housekeepers reveal the wall-unit ironing board reportedly used as the Romney dining table was in fact a Murphy bed.

The labor activist organization refused to name the source of the photographs.

The most damning picture showed the bed set for a dinner party of six, complete with sterling silverware by Tiffany placed beside antique bone china offset by dazzling Waterford crystal stemware, each flourished with an etched entwined double R. An ice sculpture of Brigham Young doubled as a centerpiece designed to keep the Beluga caviar cold. Read the full story

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GOPTea Claims Veep Mittstakes Keep 2012 Election Interesting


BOSTON, Mass. – EBBQ – The range of the GOPTea™ party’s unrolling Veep list rockets from the absurd to the impractical, borders the impossible and suddenly flips back to the absurd — it’s an endless loop.

Will we get another Palin – Quayle – Kemp? What about another [gasp] Cheney? Who will finally match the power of Etch-a-Mitt™?

Shake, shake, shake your booty. Shake, shake, shake your booty. Read the full story

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