Tag Archive | "Al Queda"

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unimaginable Happened – Part 7 – the Iraq Factor


9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unimaginable Happened – Part 7 – The Iraq Factor
(A serial book excerpt)
After President Bush is killed when Flight 93 strikes the White House on 9/11, Vice President Cheney ascends to the throne. Things begin to change quite radically:

READ THEM HERE: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6.
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Part 7 – The Iraq Factor

McGurty was ushered into the office. Cheney stood up to meet him. Read the full story

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Police Excuses As To Why They Threw A Fifteen Year Old Black, Bikini Clad, Barefoot Girl To The Ground And Pinned Her Down In McKinney, Texas.


“She might have had an Uzi in her panties.”

“She could be a Kung-Fu expert and have attacked all nine of us and beaten us up.”

“They could have had this whole pool party rigged with explosives Columbine style and she was running to set them off.”

“There is always the possibility that she is an Isis sympathizer and had explosives in her bikini top.” Read the full story

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9/11/2001 – The Day After The Unimaginable Happened


(A book serial excerpt)

What would have happened had events occurred differently on 9/11?

The aircraft nosed through the mid morning sky. Outside the fuselage it was a sleek bird jetting its way through the air, its wings leaving contrails over the Midwest landscape far below it. It made for a peaceful picture. Or at least from the outside it did.

The plane wobbled occasionally. Lesser experienced hands were at the helm. Still it sailed on majestically, the way it was designed to. Inside there had been a disturbance that could have altered all that, but it was settled now. It sailed onward towards its destination, a new one.

Shortly it came in sight of the metropolis that it sought and began its long descent. The radar was turned off; eyes alone would be controlling its flight at this point.

The low altitude of the plane gave it a magnificent view of the whole city. One could make out the famous landmarks if one knew what to look for. Obvious was the Potomac.

A careful eye could pick out the Lincoln Memorial, the Smithsonian , the Washington Monument.

Shortly the pilots saw their destination. They began a controlled dive. And a chant in a language that those within earshot would not have understand had they still been alive.

Their goal was right before them. The words from their mouths were prayerful and hushed. A moments breath later the plane tore into the White House which a second before had been such a beautiful, majestic building.

“News Update! September 11, 2001 – A fourth passenger airliner has crashed into the White House probably killing President George W. Bush and an as yet unknown number of staff and visitors there.

Flight 93, originally flying over the Midwest to San Francisco, veered back east, crashing intentionally into the center of the White House. All on board are assumed dead.

Witnesses say they saw the plane veer down, taking a low altitude over central D.C., then crash directly into the Presidential building. A huge explosion rocked the structure moments later and now a thick flume of smoke rises from it.

A few survivors managed to get out of the East and West Wings relatively unharmed, but badly shaken. The President, who was to have gone on a trip to Texas, had to cancel at the last minute and is known to have been in the White House at the time of the horrific crash.

It is believed that a terrorist group is responsible for the attack and that it is most likely the same group is responsible for the crashes at the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.”

To the astute security personnel left alive in the vicinity of the White House it was obvious that their head boss was dead. Security turned the situation over to the Secret Service, those who were left and still functional, to find their new leader and get him to safety.

The search began for Dick Cheney.

TO BE CONTINUED…

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BUSTED! GlossyNews.com Faked Charlie Hebdo-Style Attack to Cash In on Expanded Readership


“Absolutely despicable!” stated loyal Glossy fan Jason Nimknuts when he found out about it. “I knew they could be low, but I would never have imagined them stooping to this! Dumb bastards!”

After seeing the famed French satire magazine Charlie Hebdo’s sales go into the stratosphere when their new issue came out only two weeks after their office personnel were gunned down by Islamic extremists, the publisher and crew of Glossy News Website, a Seattle based Ruppert Murdochesque media conglomerate, got the bright idea to make their own little tragedy. Read the full story

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Holidays Aside – It’s Time For Blonde Suicide Bomber Jokes


Forget the overly cheery Christmas carols, the endless gift shopping and the eye strainingly gaudy seasonal decorations. Cheery days aside, the world is falling apart.

In that spirit, it is time for some truly low-brow, rude, raunchy and definitely non-Christmasy jokes.

Anyway, here goes: Read the full story

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What Is Wrong With This Picture from Afghanistan?


Since the beginning of the Afghan war, the coalition forces have been having a hard time training and getting the loyalty of the Afghan police and soldiers they were training to fight the Taliban and Al Queda.

“Why?” so many drill instructors, trainers, Generals and other Allied personnel have asked themselves and their superiors over and over again.

This is important especially when the people you are training might turn around their guns and take their bullets out on you instead of the Taliban; or because they ARE the Taliban. Read the full story

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An Open Letter to Al Queda and its Branch Affiliates


Good day, guys. How is it going? Blow up anything fun today? Shoot your quota of infidels yet? OK, sorry you’re having a bad day.

Just a few questions I wanted to ask you guys. (I am assuming you are all guys. I doubt you’ve opened a female branch.)

Think you know the Bible? Take the GlossyNews Unbeatable Bible Quiz!

Read the full story

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Gun Companies Realize More Profit Made Being Patriotic to Taliban than US


A major financial shift has occurred within the gun manufacturing section of the United States Corporate industry. A huge surge has come about in the number of guns and ammunition being clandestinely sold to the Mid East terror organization Al Queda. Read the full story

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Who Is Really Behind The Mysterious Florida Post Office Crashes?


The Florida Postal Service has made an unusual request of their local patronage- to stop running into their Post Offices with their autos (see Yahoo News).

There have recently been eight crashes supposedly due to ‘old timers’ tapping the gas pedal instead of the brake.

Unbeknown to the Postal authorities there is an FBI scan that has tied the incidents to Florida Al Queda operatives who are dispatching suicide bombers to take out the facilities.

Unfortunately for them, their bomb parts were sent by mail from Saudi Arabia and didn’t arrive in time for their missions. The bombers were forced to hit their targets without their bombs, a move that probably lost them at least 40 of their 76 virgins in the after life.

A second possibility that Federal agents are investigating is that some of the crashers were actually laid off Postal workers going postal in a new way. They are taking a cue from Al Queda and attempting to try suicide explosives as a way of venting their grievances permanently.

Unfortunately they ordered their bomb parts with next day delivery by UPS and also came up empty handed when the parcels came in the day after their spectacle.

More new developments will be posted as they occur.

NEW DEVELOPMENTS WE ARE POSTING THAT HAVE OCCURRED IN ‘POSTAL CAR CRASHING EPIDEMIC’- Since the news has been leaked of the FBI findings that Al Queda is behind the Post Office crashings senior citizens out of boredom have been racing to Post Offices to see the fireworks and are themselves crashing into the facilities.

Authorities are recommending that the elderly stay at home, hide under their tables and do as they are told.

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Bin Laden’s Home Video “Bloopers” Found


Among the hoard of video footage found in Osama Bin Laden’s hideout were a number of out-takes and blooper tapes, it was revealed today. These tapes are a mixture of mistakes by Bin Laden himself while talking directly to camera and practical jokes he played on members of his entourage.

CIA analysts examining the tapes say that this new evidence has proved very useful in tracking down his terrorist network, as well as being “laugh-out-loud funny.” Read the full story

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Campaigning underway in Al Qaeda leadership race


ISLAMABAD – [Glossy News] – The recent demise of Osama Bin Laden has left a vacuum at the heart of Al Qaeda, the world’s foremost terrorist organization.

There is no shortage of ambitious would-be Public Enemy Number One’s to fill the void however, and they are currently jostling for position in what has been dubbed the “Race to the Shite House.” Read the full story

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Kamikaze Ninja Jihadist Taliban Squirrel Brings Down University


World News -Fairbanks, AK GlossyNews.com – An Al Queda influenced jihadist squirrel attempted to create maximum havoc at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks recently. Successfully penetrating the high security at an electrical substation, the fanatical rodent managed to blow out the campus’ main turbine.

The sacrificial squirrel’s charred body was found lying on the substation floor, a green Hamas bandanna his only clothing left. Read the full story

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Al Qaeda Dusts Off the Usama Bin Laden Doll for Another Video


Cave Town, Pakistan (GlossyNews) — Al Queda has brought their ‘El Cid’ out into the fresh air again to renew belief in their cause and to yank the West’s chain. According to news sources Usama bin Laden has made a new video praising the Nigerian who tried to take down a US airplane with flaming underpants. The only problem with the whole schtick is that Usama is a has-bin Laden. He ain’t no more. Read the full story

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Officials Discover Al Qaeda Operating Rogue Aviation Network: Low Fares but Horrible Safety Record


TIMBUKTU, Mali – In early 2008, an official at the U.S. Department of Homeland Security sent a report to his superiors detailing the most significant development in aircraft usage since 2001: al Qaeda has been operating a rogue aviation network. Francis Baldhamer, the official who issued the report, also noted that this increased competition, which promises fares much lower than U.S. airlines, threatens to weaken the already faltering transportation industry. Read the full story

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Al Queda Looking For A Few Good Yuppies


New York, NY — In a unique reversal of its former policy of attracting the poor and oppressed for its legions of bomb makers and bomb blowers, Al-Queda has changed its strategy to recruiting young, rich Westerners to its agenda instead. The world’s premier terrorist organization is now attempting to attract yuppies to fill its ranks. For example, here is the latest video outing from Osama bin Laden himself, patron saint of the Terrorist movement: Read the full story

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