Tag Archive | "A&E"

Duck Dynasty’s Uncle Si Fires Assistant Over Clean Tea Cup


Anyone who watches the A & E reality hit show Duck Dynasty, is familiar with not only Uncle Si, but his perpetual sidekick, a vintage Tupperware tumbler he carries everywhere he goes. Si is never without a container of sweet tea to keep his tumbler half full or half empty, whichever way the day is going.

The cup has become a running gag on the show. The way it was explained in the first season of the show is that when Si went to Viet Nam, his mama packed away his tea tumbler to go with him. He has had it in his hand ever since and needless to say, it is practically a sacrilege to mess with Uncle Si’s tea tumbler. Read the full story

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Duck Dynasty Unveils New Line Of Dog Whistle Calls


Dogpatch, LA – Willie Robertson, CEO and patriarch in waiting for the Duck Dynasty Empire has announced a new line of silent dog whistle calls for non hunters to be rolled out in 2014.

The initial lineup will include four whistles named “Homo Going To Hell”, “Happy, Happy Darkie”, “Dumb Barefoot Bitch Better Pluck My Duck” and one general whistle for devout evangelicals “I’m Going To Heaven And You’re Not”.

Duck Dynasty “Dog Commanders” will be available nationwide on June 1st at Walmart for $89.95.

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Duck Dynasty Tops WWE and Pawnstars W/E 1/26


Cable TV results are in for W/E 1/26 and Duck Dynasty at 6.6 million viewers easily beats out its cable reality competition.

World Wrestling Entertainment came in at 5.2, 5.0 and 4.3 million for its three Monday shows and Pawnstars clocked in at 5.2 and 4.7 for its Thursday programs.

“Lizzy Borden Took an Ax” had a surprisingly good showing at 4.4. Read the full story

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Is Duck Dynasty’s Goose Finally Cooked?


The once-popular A&E Reality Television show Duck Dynasty is slowly sinking into oblivion as more and more people are coming out of their down-filled slumber and realizing the show does nothing more than glorify redneck values. (Hey, wait a minute. If that were the only thing to bring down a reality television series, Jerry Springer would have found himself standing in the unemployment line a long time ago.) It must be something else, read on… Read the full story

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Duck Dynasty Being Sold Down the River by Ming Dynasty


Hey, Duck Dynasty. China called. They want you to pick up the boatload of crap souvenirs you ordered last month.

Duck Dynasty paraphernalia isn’t flying off Walmart shelves anymore, which means that the warehouse that had once housed only (made in America) commando duck calls is now filled ceiling to rafters with unsold Duck Dynasty souvenirs made in China.

Duck Dynasty may be second only to the United States government in owing more than its worth to Chinese banks.

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Duck Dynasty Cancelled! A&E Introduces New Reality Show


New York City – Amid the controversy surrounding Phil Robertson and the reality show, Duck Dynasty on A&E, the network has decided to pull the plug on the once popular series in favor of a replacement that lead executives say will have less poultry and more Kruk, John Kruk that is.

“A lot of people were disappointed when we first announced the cancellation,” said Executive Producer, Bill Abraham. “But once we announced the show’s replacement starring national icon, John Kruk, fans immediately jumped on the bandwagon and are looking forward to the premiere in January. For heaven’s sake, we sold out of ‘Kruk This’ t-shirts within nine minutes!” Added an exuberant Abraham.

A&E’s new show, Kruk Dynasty, will follow the many faces of John Kruk, from his days as an extraordinary Major League Baseball player to his current role as a popular Baseball Analyst for ESPN. The new show will aim to win back disgruntled fans, annoyed with Robertson’s homosexual comments and those unaware that Louisiana was part of the United States.

“I was about to boycott A&E, but then they announced this little miracle and I’m back onboard!” Said longtime television buff, Harry Michaels, who claims that he once watched Kruk hit a homerun and consequently nicknamed him “Kruk Kommander.”

Kruk Dynasty will premiere on Tuesday, January 7th at 9:00 p.m. and plans to air 16 weekly episodes during the inaugural season. John Kruk’s agent was unavailable for comment, but Kruk posted on Twitter (@KrukHunt) “Excited for the new series! Sorry about the ducks!”

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Duck Dynasty Delusions & American Social Cohesion in Jeopardy, Experts warn


Dateline: WEST MONROE, LA—Phil Robertson, star of A&E’s Duck Dynasty, got into trouble with his politically incorrect comments about homosexuality being un-Christian.

For financial reasons, A&E stood by Mr. Robertson, Duck Dynasty will continue filming, and conservative groups have applauded the network.

However, shockwaves from the swirling winds created by the clash between conservative and liberal delusions are still propagating and culture critics warn that they threaten to destroy America with a mega tornado of bluster.
Read the full story

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Gay Duck Porn Found on Phil Robertson’s Hard Drive


Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson may not condone human homosexuality, but a recent reveal of the contents of his personal computer exposes his fascination with homosexual behavior in the animal kingdom, particularly in the duck species.

The hacker group Anonymous recently unveiled the Dynasty star’s peccadillo for unconventional forms of sex after the controversial star came under fire for comparing human homosexuals to drunkards, terrorists, and prostitutes. Read the full story

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, TelevisionComments (3)

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