Most people have not taken the time to wonder what would happen if you spelled Adam Lambert’s name backwards. Mostly because it doesn’t really spell anything. Trebmal Mada may be a word in a foreign language. It could translate to ‘working giant jungle cat.’ We simply do not know. Read the full story

Famed soft core porn peddler Hugh Hefner will be among the Lifetime Achievement Award winners at 2011 Kennedy Center ceremonies. The announcement immediately stirred controversy, since it marks the first time the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts has honored a person outside the strict definition of performing arts. Reaction was equally swift; KCPA media spokesman Adam Lambert did a press conference to explain the choice, and Agriculture Secretary Vilsack fired Aretha Franklin. Read the full story

NUEVO LAREDO, Texas (GlossyNews) — In a move termed a ‘head scratcher’ by DC insiders, TX Senator Denton R. Fender this week released a statement aimed at rapprochement towards Spain, and some people who have been dead for five centuries.

“The condemnation of these noble explorers is way overdue for a shakeup. Far too long we’ve let Liberals write history, and Liberals always demonize free market capitalism. Slanderous revisionism of the Conquistadors reflects poorly on the noble Spanish people, and I for one sincerely apologize. Cortez and Pizarro, they were entrepreneurs in the finest American tradition. ” Read the full story

Lima, Peru (GlossyNewsSA) — Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

Slime weasel Joran van der Sloot has been handed over to Peruvian authorities, because he finally killed a chica where there wasn’t no deep water around. Wait until they get his little preppy murdering butt into Lurigancho, that’ll serve him right.

See? Our cousin Arturo was in Lurigancho over a miscarriage of justice several years back. Some evil person probably from Al Qaeda hid $75,000 and four kilos of Cocaine in the gas tank of Arturo’s ride. So we know from him what that prison is like. They have conjugal visits every day, but no girls allowed, ha ha ha. Arturo still sits down slowly! Read the full story

Deep South, USA (GlossyNews) — Governor Bailey Harbor today viewed the scene of last weekend’s worst storm devastation. “Yep, looks the same as every other tornado hit. I’ll get President Jug Ears on the phone; see if I can get some disaster relief money. Let’s go get something to eat.”

Residents of the worst hit Yahoo City were similarly unimpressed in their reactions. Read the full story

Cairo, Illinois (GlossyNews) TSA director Laurie Partridge faced harsh questions this week in her appearance before the House sub-Committee for Members We don’t know What to do With.

Ms. Partridge explained to the allegedly powerful HCMWW, the Savior of the world was in no way singled out; it shouldn’t be seen as a religion thing.

Sitting next to her legal counsel Adam Lambert, who was wearing a stylish red Versace leather jacket, Ms. Partridge said, “We don’t profile people, but we do profile people, right?” Read the full story

Boca Raton, FL (GlossyNews) The Association for Pseudo-Intellectual Predictions held its annual conference in Boca Raton, Florida this weekend. Attendance was much higher than event organizers had anticipated.

Keynote speaker Adam Lambert delivered an optimistic yet cautionary tone to the assembled APIP members. Reading from stuff written on his hand Mr. Lambert said, “Yes these are the golden days for the worthless prediction industry. Read the full story

It was announced today that Adam Lambert is cautiously being asked to perform at the Academy Awards.

The caveat is that he must appear solo on stage, wear a loose-fitting jogging suit, and sing a medley of Barry Manilow and Julie Andrews tunes.

Los Angeles, CA – Lloyd’s of London (Lloyd’s), perhaps best known for its unusual insurance policies on various body parts of the rich and famous, including Tina Turner’s legs, Celine Dion’s vocal chords, and burlesque stripper, Tempest Storm’s breasts, has just announced that it has contracted with singer Adam Lambert to insure Lambert’s crotch for $1 Million Dollars. Read the full story

Long having been regarded the financial heart of the Middle East, Dubai rocked world markets this week with announced uncertainty on servicing some $60 billion in debt. So today’s further information was heralded as calming news that will facilitate market stability.

Dubai Financial Ministry spokesman Adam Lambert explained, “Dubai regrets if anybody took it the wrong way, but it was a necessary first step towards a greater plan.” Read the full story