Dear Dink,

I am a Baptist. My in-laws and my husband are Methodists. My husband and I attend a Baptist church. Under most circumstances, I don’t pay attention to denominational differences, because I think we’re all going to the same place anyway.

The problem is that my in laws, especially my mother-in-law, have made it clear that they don’t like the fact that we’re going to the “wrong” church. Earlier we even suggested that they could come to church on Christmas Eve with us, and my mother-in-law burst into tears and ran out of the room.

Evidently, the fact that I am not a Methodist offends them deeply. I don’t want to join a different church just to please them, though. Any thought on what to do that doesn’t involve hurting everyone’s feelings?

Signed,
Praying for Peace

Screw their feelings; they obviously don’t care much for yours. As many people often do, they are completely missing the point of religion, church, spirituality, Christianity, whatever you want to call it. For these people it is more about being Methodist or Catholic than it is about being a Christian.

You could pray that your mother-in-law be raptured immediately NOW. Somebody give me an Amen! First of all, you shouldn’t do ANYTHING to please that bitch who bore your husband. I’m sorry, but this is the most ridiculous thing I have heard in quite some time. I did not know the Methodists thought so highly of themselves versus the other denominations.

And don’t worry about your husband’s feelings on this; you are the woman and therefore the boss. He doesn’t have any say in this whatsoever.

That ought to learn her a lesson (yes that’s right, I said “learn” her a lesson-that’s how they talk in those red states down south) . If not, you could always become Mormons. You probably would not approve of your husband having more wives, but trust me on this one.

Just think, instead of having just you to hate on, your mother-in-law would have 6 or 7 other daughters-in-law to worry about. That’s 6 or 7 other wives in your corner to gang up on your her. Then she will have a real reason to shed some tears.