ATOS Declares Dead Man Fit for Work

In a shocking lapse of judgement last week, an assessor from ATOS Origin placed James Wright, 62, in the ‘fit for work’ group mere moments after he had suffered a fatal stroke.

“It was a nightmare,” Rosemary, Mr. Wright’s widow, stated. “The doctor assessing James asked him to stand up, so he did before slumping into a squatting position. The doctor took one look at him and said, ‘I’m placing you in the Work Program.’

Then he got up and shook James’s shoulder, and when he fell over, said that he’d be back when James had finished his ‘play-acting.’ It was quite obvious that he was dead.

What’s worse is that I received a letter from the DWP (Department of Work and Pensions) this morning informing me that James’s Job Seekers’ Allowance had been stopped because of his non-attendance at his work experience. I’d already informed them of his death the day after it happened!”

It seems to this reporter that ATOS assessors are so busy licking Tory boots that not only do they not notice when people are dying, they also don’t realize when people are actually dead. Of course, Mrs. Wright is a retired State Enrolled Nurse, whereas ATOS assessors receive no medical training whatsoever. Perhaps that’s why the man made such an egregious error.

Author: Sheogorath

As an Autie with a very warped imagination (IOO) and an extremely wicked sense of humour (IMO), I make quite a good satirist (also IMO), especially when writing songs about fanfiction, the Internet, or Disney.

21 thoughts on “ATOS Declares Dead Man Fit for Work

  1. “Too close to the truth and your woeful website doesn’t make it clear that this is ‘satire’.”
    Actually, it does. It’s clearly stated in a few places on this site that it’s satirical and you should take with a pinch of salt anything here that doesn’t say it’s true.

  2. NOT FUNNY. Too close to the truth and your woeful website doesn’t make it clear that this is ‘satire’. Which it isn’t – just a cheap gag badly executed.

  3. I don’t get JSA but get NI credits as unfit for work. Last medical I had, I collapsed in the waiting room and had to be carried into the “doctors” office. He said I was in no fit state to undergo a medical (erm-this is one of the REASONS I CAN’T work) and could I come back tomorrow?!?! My hubby kicked up a storm and I got a home visit eventually. And declared unfit for work!

  4. My brother was told fit for work after suffering a masive stroke he can hardly speak has poor motor skills is unable to read or write and words and numbers don't mean anything to him, I guess he should get a Job for ATOS he could go straight in at the top!

  5. No, it loses all impact as satire if you're told that it is satire beforehand. The best satire is the stuff where you don't know whether it is satire or not.

  6. I totally agree, I was discussing yesterday if it was satire or not. It is so close to real occurances, and just written in a way that implied its someones idea of a 'joke'. I certainly didn't laugh.

  7. Well said Sue Marsh.
    If this is a joke, not only is it in very poor taste, but it does no favours for people in a position to be facing the WCA.
    We don't need any codding to provide ammunition for the Tory press and their readers.
    They will start claiming genuine stories as being fictitious and not believe the facts.

  8. I died three weeks ago and have just received a letter from ATOS stating that “being dead” is not sufficient reason for failing to attend a Work Focussed Interview, so my widow is going to be dragged through the streets and burned on a pyre made from all of our chattels.

  9. I have just seen this tweeted as fact. This situation is beyond satire – you cannot possibly think of any Atos scenario that won't have actually happened.
    I write about this stuff every day and thousands of people are absolutely terrified of it all.

    My friend, Karen Sherlock died having been found fit for work and people have been found fit for work in a coma and minutes after having a massive heart attack tbh, I'd be very grateful if you would add something at the start of your blog to make clear that it is satire.

    Thanks in advance.

  10. There has been accounts which could possibly be verified , of people dying in #ATOS waiting rooms – then there is the suspicious number of deaths whilst in the ATOS / DWP Kafkaesque system – and also accounts of people obviously having not to go and claimants being awarded the correct benefits posthumously when #ATOS / DWP have lost yet another tribunal …can’t even get their crooked UNUM influenced scams right .

    The right don’t like it , they’ll say they’re just ” collateral damage ” , working people die anyway …let’s just say it’s way beyond the realms of coincidence .

    If this is a satire , it’s not that exaggerated for effect at all .

  11. Ah thanks. Just there there are so many true articles in UK just now that are so similar in content. As you probably know this WCA is causing thousands of deaths. This story could actually be truth rather than satire.

  12. People will believe what they want and it is my opinion that this is a bit of creative writing. HOWEVER, you don't have to be that 'creative' to write the truth – and satire is a way of conveying that truth. I ACTUALLY know someone who was declared fit for work who died in the same week; and he didn't take his own life, he was in the advanced stages of cancer and was undergoing his 'final' course of chemotherapy, if the chemo did not work that time, he wasn't going to receive the treatment again. Dead!

  13. Hey Skep… it is satire. Not real… unless you WANT it to be. Then we can talk, but mind you, money is the only language I speak aside from English, and frankly, my English isn't that good.

  14. I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all. I have a friend who uses crutches to get around since he was hit by a drunk driver and he’s been turned down for social security twice. Obviously he can go back to work in construction so why can’t a dead man work?

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