Hog Jaw, Arkansas has just been named the Kissin’ Cousin Capital of America by Tammy Fay Cosmetics, beating out the other Hog Jaw, Alabama by a mile. The mayor of Hog Jaw, Humphrey Dumpty, in announcing this most dubious honor claimed “if it twern’t fer the Buckner Triplets and their love of Tammy Fay’s strawberry smack lip balm coupled with their love for their cousins Jethro, Jeb and Jubilee, we’d a been singing a sadder song.”

The Kissin’ Cousin Capital title has actually been held by Hog Jaw, Arkansas every year since 1976 except for one, 1983, when they lost it to Frog Lick, on a technicality. The folks in Frog lick claimed they had 13 sets of cousins that could kiss up a storm, ‘specially during the real cold months of January and February. After the blizzard of ’83, Frog Lick took the title; however, it was discovered in the winter of ’84, two babies that was born to one set of cousins was really just a regular love connection between two teenagers who weren’t cousins. By then it was too late to take the title back.

Said Mayor Dumpty, “you can be assured that when we say we got kissin’ cousins, they sure as heck are honest to God kissin’ cousins. Hell, we gots us some kissin’ uncles and aunts too, but as of yet, they ain’t no prize for those. Why with the way we intertwine ourselves, you’d think we’s related to that Warren Jeffs feller over thar in Utah.”