Romney Used Erstwhile Campaign Funds to Purchase Hoboken, New Jersey

HOBOKEN, NJ – In a stunning revelation Friday, a close aide to former Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney claims Romney poured virtually all of his campaign funds into purchasing the city of Hoboken, New Jersey.

Mr. Romney, the frontrunner challenging incumbent President, Barack Obama, in last year’s election, is believed to have leveraged a deal worth $150 million for the city, which houses roughly 50,000 residents and is a part of the New York metropolitan area.

Hoboken, notable for its high ratio of Democratic leaning voters, underwent an overhaul leading up to the election as campaign staffers prepared to transform the wider area into a giant advertising gateway for Romney 2012.

“Mitt Romney wanted Hoboken, New Jersey to become the poster child for his America – an America which he will one day purchase in full,” said one campaign source. “Romney campaign donations went almost exclusively toward that purchase.”

Once the plan was revealed, Democrats in Congress criticized the deal, insisting that the purchase of an entire city by someone seeking political office was “highly unconstitutional.”

“Romney displayed just how out of touch he was,” said Congressman Frank Lautenberg.

“To buy an entire city – not to mention its people – is a clear violation of people’s right to liberty. Last time I checked, the American electorate was pretty fond of its right to liberty.”

Despite a backlash from the left, however, the deal was thought to be a precursor to an eventual Romney takeover of the state of New Jersey, as well as Lower Manhattan, New York, and then, as previously mentioned, a takeover of the entire country. Fortunately for America, Romney lost.