HOLLYWOODLAND, California (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to shake the entertainment world to its core, Sarah Palin, the poster girl for dumb broads everywhere, has found another way to pimp out a family member to get her palms greased by a Hollywood Republican. She has apparently blown the right person to get her Down Syndrome son, Trig, cast as Gary Coleman’s character, Arnold Jackson, in the upcoming movie remake of Diff’rent Strokes.
On her Fox News Commentary, Media Whore and Mama Grizzly, Sarah Palin, was asked about her latest publicity stunt while she was ensconced in that bizarre ritual where she points a lot. “I am just trying to show the World the Tea Party, which I wholeheartedly represent, does not have a racist bone in its body,” she answered. “So I am offering up my own white grandson, I mean son, who I didn’t abort when I could have, to play the beloved Arnold Jackson in the Diff’rent Strokes movie coming out in 2012. Oh, I’ve got some Stage Mother in me, don’t we all, so when we got the offer, I couldn’t redafutiate it. And in another year or two, Trig will look the part of the orphan from Harlem once we either dip him in a big bucket of crude oil or blow some coal dust in his face. All he has to do is open his eyes wide and say those famous 5 words every few minutes. I’ve got Jessica Simpson, one of the best Shakespearean actresses on earth, coaching him, and who knows where this will take us, wink, wink.” Then she pointed at something in thin air.
Variety Magazine reports other actors on board to round out the cast are Ex-Cons OJ Simpson as Willis and Lindsay Lohan as Dana Plato’s character, Kimberly. Nancy Reagan is scheduled to play the maid and Michael “Disneydick” Eisner will play himself as the wealthy adoptive father.
The movie will revolve around a situation where an evil bicycle store owner, played by Russell Brand, attempts to molest Willis and Kimberly while Arnold uses his computer smarts to ensnare the criminal in a “Home Alone” type scenario.