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	<title>GlossyNews.com &#187; P. Beckert</title>
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	<link>http://glossynews.com</link>
	<description>Breaking Broken News</description>
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		<title>Punxsutawney Phil Sees Shadow; Predicts Six More Months of Newt Gingrich</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201202020829/punxsutawney-phil-sees-shadow-predicts-six-more-months-of-newt-gingrich/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201202020829/punxsutawney-phil-sees-shadow-predicts-six-more-months-of-newt-gingrich/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:59:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Groundhog Day]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[newt gingrich]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Paul the Octopus]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[predictions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Punxsutawney Phil]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rodents]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=24210</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Folks in Pennsylvania have been complaining for years about all the taxpayer money they spend on lavishing their resident star groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, with the best hole in the county and some of the finest fruits and vegetables around. For what they’re spending, they don’t feel they are getting much more than a quick peek [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201202020829/punxsutawney-phil-sees-shadow-predicts-six-more-months-of-newt-gingrich/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Aging Gingrich Sucking Life Out of Youthful Santorum Race</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201201201958/aging-gingrich-sucking-life-out-of-youthful-santorum-race/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201201201958/aging-gingrich-sucking-life-out-of-youthful-santorum-race/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 20 Jan 2012 22:28:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2012]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[elections]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gop]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[newt gingrich]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rick Santorum]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[vampires]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=24180</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Volunteers for GOP candidate Rick Santorum say they are growing more tired by the day trying to come up with good things to say about Newt Gingrich in order to keep the Gingrich/Santorum tag team going against candidate Mitt Romney. “At first we thought, ok, Newt is a bright dude, he has a bit more [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201201201958/aging-gingrich-sucking-life-out-of-youthful-santorum-race/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Anderson Cooper Set to Propose to Kathy Griffin at Midnight</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/entertainment/celebrity-gossip/201112311045/anderson-cooper-set-to-propose-to-kathy-griffin-at-midnight/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/entertainment/celebrity-gossip/201112311045/anderson-cooper-set-to-propose-to-kathy-griffin-at-midnight/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 31 Dec 2011 13:15:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Celebrity Gossip]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Anderson Cooper]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dick Clark]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Kathy Griffin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[New Year's Eve]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ryan seacrest]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[times square]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=24123</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Well, folks, you can stop wondering whether (1) Anderson Cooper is gay; (2) Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin are dating; (3) Kathy Griffin is really a guy; or (4) Kathy Griffin is really a guy, gay and dating Anderson Cooper who is also gay, because, evidently, after the ball drops in Times Square tonight, Cooper [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/entertainment/celebrity-gossip/201112311045/anderson-cooper-set-to-propose-to-kathy-griffin-at-midnight/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>21</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Prisons Change to Blue Flannel Jumpsuits; Shankings Down</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/society/crime/201112202026/prisons-change-to-blue-flannel-jumpsuits-shankings-down/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/society/crime/201112202026/prisons-change-to-blue-flannel-jumpsuits-shankings-down/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Dec 2011 22:56:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Crime]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[jail]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pajamas]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[prison]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[prisoners]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[shankings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Snuggie]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=24090</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Lee Henry Morgan, Warden at California’s San Quentin Prison is breathing a sigh of relief these days as the number of shankings in this infamously dangerous prison have decreased greatly over the past several months. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes,” said Morgan of the almost humane [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/society/crime/201112202026/prisons-change-to-blue-flannel-jumpsuits-shankings-down/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Makes Huge Announcement</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201110090556/new-jersey-governor-chris-christie-makes-huge-announcement/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201110090556/new-jersey-governor-chris-christie-makes-huge-announcement/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 09 Oct 2011 08:26:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Atkins]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chris christie]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gop]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[New Jersey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[president]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rick Perry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Weight Watchers]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=23884</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“I’ve given it much consideration,” said New Jersey Governor Chris Christie at an impromptu news conference called late Monday afternoon at the New Jersey diner where Christie is a regular customer. “I know that this decision will have a major impact on my wife Mary Pat, as well as my children, and so what I [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201110090556/new-jersey-governor-chris-christie-makes-huge-announcement/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Local Woman Saves Planet by Allowing Satan to Dwell in Her Abscessed Tooth</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/society/human-interest/201109300110/local-woman-saves-planet-by-allowing-satan-to-dwell-in-her-abscessed-tooth/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/society/human-interest/201109300110/local-woman-saves-planet-by-allowing-satan-to-dwell-in-her-abscessed-tooth/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 30 Sep 2011 03:40:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Human Interest]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[abscess]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dentist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[devil]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gop]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[impact tooth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pain]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satan]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=23847</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“The pain, Thweet Jethuth the pain,” yelled Cloris Zucker as the dentist poked around in her mouth trying to find the source of her discomfort. He started out innocently enough, beginning on the left side and working his way over to the right. “This one?” asked the dentist? “Noph,” replied Cloris. “This’n?” He asked as [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/society/human-interest/201109300110/local-woman-saves-planet-by-allowing-satan-to-dwell-in-her-abscessed-tooth/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Gang of 70-Year Olds on Mobility Scooters Terrorizing Orlando Tourists</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/society/human-interest/201109210550/gang-of-70-year-olds-on-mobility-scooters-terrorizing-orlando-tourists/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/society/human-interest/201109210550/gang-of-70-year-olds-on-mobility-scooters-terrorizing-orlando-tourists/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 21 Sep 2011 08:20:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Crime]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Human Interest]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[elderly]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mobility scooters]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Orlando]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal scooters]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[septuagenarians]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[terrorists]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tourists]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=23665</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The streets of some of Orlando’s most popular tourist destinations are being randomly terrorized by a gang of septuagenarians on mobility scooters. The gang, calling itself the 7 T’s, has so far escaped the law by ducking into restaurants during early bird special time, removing their gang regalia in the bathrooms, and then ordering meals [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/society/human-interest/201109210550/gang-of-70-year-olds-on-mobility-scooters-terrorizing-orlando-tourists/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Paul Ryan Attacked by Pack of Angry Lemurs</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201109181315/paul-ryan-attacked-by-pack-of-angry-lemurs/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201109181315/paul-ryan-attacked-by-pack-of-angry-lemurs/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 18 Sep 2011 15:45:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[budget plan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[debt ceiling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[florida]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lemurs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Myakka City]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Paul Ryan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[republicans]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=23620</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Paul Ryan is back home in Wisconsin and resting comfortably after suffering an attack by a pack of angry lemurs at a Southwest Florida elementary school where Ryan was speaking last Friday. “He’s got a few nasty scratches,” said Ryan’s wife, Janna, “but doctors expect him to make a full recovery within a few weeks.” [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201109181315/paul-ryan-attacked-by-pack-of-angry-lemurs/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Anderson Cooper Gives In and Asks Kathy Griffin on a Real Date</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/other-world-games/news-in-brief/201109180740/anderson-cooper-gives-in-and-asks-kathy-griffin-on-a-real-date/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/other-world-games/news-in-brief/201109180740/anderson-cooper-gives-in-and-asks-kathy-griffin-on-a-real-date/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 18 Sep 2011 10:10:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News In Your Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Anderson Cooper]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cnn]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Kathy Griffin]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=23613</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Friends of both Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper were elated when told that Cooper has finally given in to Griffin’s amorous advances and agreed to take her on a date. “It was the next logical step,” claims Mitzi Moloney, one of Griffin’s closest friends. “After all, Kathy did spend the weekend at Anderson’s house doing [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/other-world-games/news-in-brief/201109180740/anderson-cooper-gives-in-and-asks-kathy-griffin-on-a-real-date/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Dick Cheney Goes After Santa Claus Next</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/entertainment/books-newspapers-misc/201109140636/dick-cheney-goes-after-santa-claus-next/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/entertainment/books-newspapers-misc/201109140636/dick-cheney-goes-after-santa-claus-next/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 14 Sep 2011 09:06:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Books, Newspapers & Misc]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=20177</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Dick Cheney claims his new book In My Time is accomplishing exactly what he set out to accomplish, shattering dreams of an idyllic America and pissing people off. “This is a war zone people, and the sooner you get it into your thick heads, the better,” said Cheney at a recent book signing at the [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/entertainment/books-newspapers-misc/201109140636/dick-cheney-goes-after-santa-claus-next/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Paranormal Group Explains Evil in Kate Gosselin Home</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/entertainment/celebrity-gossip/201109091225/paranormal-group-explains-evil-in-kate-gosselin-home/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/entertainment/celebrity-gossip/201109091225/paranormal-group-explains-evil-in-kate-gosselin-home/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 09 Sep 2011 14:55:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Celebrity Gossip]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[evil]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gosselin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Kate gosselin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Kate Plus Eight]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Paranormal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tlc]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=19652</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[What began as a routine house cleansing by a local group of paranormal experts called in by Kate Gosselin to rid her home of some negative energy, turned into a blame game between Gosselin and the people trying to help her. “If you can’t do the job you claim you are capable of, then just [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/entertainment/celebrity-gossip/201109091225/paranormal-group-explains-evil-in-kate-gosselin-home/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Michele Bachmann Claims God Sometimes Tells Her to Say Stupid Things</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/other-world-games/news-in-brief/201109091217/michele-bachmann-claims-god-sometimes-tells-her-to-say-stupid-things/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/other-world-games/news-in-brief/201109091217/michele-bachmann-claims-god-sometimes-tells-her-to-say-stupid-things/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 09 Sep 2011 14:47:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News In Your Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[god]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Michele Bachmann]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[preach. religion]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=19649</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Michele Bachmann appeared on CBS’s Face the Nation Sunday to cover her tracks yet again with the familiar line “Of course, that’s not what I meant to say. I was just trying to be funny.” Bachmann was trying to explain away some comments she made last month linking Hurricane Irene and the DC earthquake directly [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/other-world-games/news-in-brief/201109091217/michele-bachmann-claims-god-sometimes-tells-her-to-say-stupid-things/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Labor Day Cancelled</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/201109040511/labor-day-cancelled/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/201109040511/labor-day-cancelled/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 04 Sep 2011 07:41:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Top Stories]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gop]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[labor day]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[labor unions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scott Walker]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unemployed]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wisconsin]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=19021</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Due to America’s unusually high rate of unemployment, this is the first year since Labor Day became a federal holiday in 1894 that no workers will be taking the holiday off regardless of whether or not their employers are telling them to do so. The lucky stiffs who actually have jobs are reluctant to take [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/top-stories/201109040511/labor-day-cancelled/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Glossy News Rumor Mill on the Fritz</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/other-world-games/news-in-brief/201109021429/glossy-news-rumor-mill-on-the-fritz/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/other-world-games/news-in-brief/201109021429/glossy-news-rumor-mill-on-the-fritz/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 02 Sep 2011 16:59:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News In Your Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conveyor belt]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Glossy News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gossip]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rumor mill]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=19039</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Glossy News is usually the first to get all the news that is fit to print out there for everyone in a somewhat timely manner. However, due to mechanical failures which have occurred in the past couple of weeks, the conveyor belt that runs the rumor mill has gone kaput. Stories are being churned out [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/other-world-games/news-in-brief/201109021429/glossy-news-rumor-mill-on-the-fritz/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>16</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>California Bans Bacon!</title>
		<link>http://glossynews.com/society/health/201109020521/california-bans-bacon/</link>
		<comments>http://glossynews.com/society/health/201109020521/california-bans-bacon/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 02 Sep 2011 07:51:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>P. Beckert</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Bacon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bacon burger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[California]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[clogged arteries]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Governor Jerry Brown]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthy food]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tofu]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://glossynews.com/?p=18970</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The California State Legislature has finally passed a bill banning all bacon and bacon-like products from the shelves of supermarkets and restaurants across the state in an effort to get Californians back on the healthy track. California is the first, and possibly the only state to take such drastic steps to protect its citizens from [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://glossynews.com/society/health/201109020521/california-bans-bacon/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
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