Author: jdmathes
Ted Cruz, Mike Lee Propose “Marriage Only for the Fertile”
Ted Cruz (R-TX) and Mike Lee (R-UT) introduced legislation to ban all marriages and nullify all existing marriages in which the couple cannot conceive or chooses to be childless for any reason. “Marriage is only for procreation. If a couple…
Emergency Rooms Filled with Victims of Thumb Amputations
Hospitals and 911 phone banks were overwhelmed Saturday night when 16% of the nation lost its thumbs. “It was mass chaos,” said Doctor Anne Fulbright at Dallas General Hospital. “All of sudden all these thumbless white people showed up spurting…
Michele Bachmann Introduces Revelation Act
Today Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) introduced a bill to “hasten the coming of Christ and the Revelation.” At a press conference she stated, “It seems to me as good Christians we should be doing something about the Second Coming. This…
Tea Party Representatives to Support Work and Education Centers for Poor
The debate over entitlement, drug testing of children who receive food stamps and student loans took surprising turn on the House floor. Representative Ted Cruz (R-TX) said, “We were debating the issue of drug testing when somebody said, ‘What would…
Child Pornographers, Polygamists Fight for First Amendment Rights
In Washington D. C .a handful of people showed up for the Million Man Child Pornographer March led by the Society of Children in Cinema United by Men (SCCUM). The rally was staged in the conjunction with the Rights for…
Conservative Group Angered over Leftish Bias of Bible Translations
The Freedom Under a Christian Ruled Society (FUCRS) today announced their outright disgust at bible translations with a blatantly liberal agenda and plans to have the Good Book translated from the New Living Translation to one that meets their political…
Senator Ted Cruz Mutilated by Radical Liberals
Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) was admitted to the Specialty Hospital Of Washington in Washington DC, missing his nose confirmed party spokeswoman Eileen Wright. A visibly stunned Ms Wright kept shaking her head, but managed to tell reporters that earlier that…
Architects Debate Positive Uses of Nerve Gas
Today in Geneva the International Architects Association (the I. A. ASS) met to discuss their position on the use of nerve gas in warfare. Two factions have argued repeatedly about the issue, but never adopting a formal stance to lobby…