Search Results for: mars
Marshal Earp Not OK with N.R.A. Promoting Tombstone Gun Violence
(Tombstone Epitaph, Arizona Territory – September, 1881, Edition) Deputy U.S. Marshal Virgil Earp, with brothers Wyatt and Morgan, expressed outrage about a recent Tombstone gathering featuring a National Rifle Association rep. The organization was chartered last decade in New York….
Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm Agent Materializes Enroute to Mars
State Farm is an American Insurance company which prides themselves on terrible ads, as well as impossibly lofty promises; so it’s no wonder Elon Musk chose them to insure his Midnight Red Tesla Roadster. But when he called in his…
Newt Volunteers/Threatens to Join Mars One-Way Mission (If Not Appointed to Cabinet)
(NOTE FROM WALLACE RUNNYMEDE: HERE’S A QUICK AND DIRTY ONE FROM BRIAN. NOW, I WONDER WHO THAT REMINDS YOU OF?) Fallow bucket of human compost and erstwhile DC King Maker Newton Leroy Gingrich has put up his name as a…
Microbiologist Lies About Finding Life on Mars
PASADENA, Ca — Last Thursday, the team leading NASA’s Mars Science Laboratory mission made history when the rover Curiosity identified indisputable evidence of life on Mars—or so it seemed. The historic discovery, initially made by microbiologist Dr. James Weaver, turned…
NASA: Aliens Dropped ‘Jelly Donut” Rock In Front of Mars Rover
NASA scientists have discarded all previous theories as to how a mysterious ‘jelly donut’ rock appeared beside the Mars Rover Opportunity and now say it must have been dropped there by aliens. “We have ruled out every other explanation”, said…
Evidence of Life Discovered on Surface of Marsh
ANDERSON – In what has become a sensational development, sources today confirmed the discovery of life on the surface of Marsh – the Indianapolis-based food retail store. It was previously believed that life could not flourish on the store’s floor,…
Romney: ‘As President, I Will Put a Man On Mars By 2014’
WASHINGTON D.C. – In an effort to bolster support for his campaign ahead of next month’s presidential election, Republican candidate Mitt Romney has vowed to put a man on the surface of Mars by the year 2014. Speaking at a…
Mars Rover Curiosity Discovers Triboob
Excited NASA staff make plans for a manned mission to Mars after the Mars rover returned its first series of results. It took 8 months to get there and a further 2 weeks to find anything of importance, but at…
Clarence Thomas attacked by zombie of Thurgood Marshall
A brutal attack on Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas Tuesday night has been traced to the zombie of Thurgood Marshall. The attack occurred following a news story revealing a possibly unethical relationship between Justice Thomas and real estate kingpin Harlan…
The Real Life of Jake from State Farm (Plus your other favorites on TV)
Jake From State Farm It was 2 o’clock in the morning when I awoke to the phone ringing. It was Jake from State Farm, who I had told to never call me at home. I hurried into the other room….