Month: August 2013
General Mills Out of Egypt: We’re Not Coup-Coup for These Cocoa Puffs
International food conglomerate and global diabetes proponent General Mills this week announced that they’ll be shuttering operations in Egypt, following unrest, citing “things to cuckoo even for us.” The 2nd largest buyer of corn syrup in the history of the…
Exclusive Interview: Julianna Rose Mauriello – Stephanie from LazyTown
Following a number of articles on Glossy News, Julianna Rose Mauriello, formerly Stephanie of LazyTown fame, agreed to sit down with us for an exclusive interview over Skype. READ ALSO: • Stephanie from LazyTown Arrested for Prostitution? • Julianna Rose…
So you think you know Canada, eh? Seven myths about our neighbors to the north
The United States shares a border with its neighbor to the north, Canada, that’s 5,525 miles long – or if you happen to be Canadian, that’s 8,891 kilometers – not that anybody really uses kilometers, mind you. Did you know…
Man Bites Tongue; Unable to Eat His Words
A local man has found himself in quite a difficult situation as he unfortunately bit his tongue and was unable to eat his words after spouting off at his mother-in-law during her holiday visit to their home. Henry Smouth of…
The Precarious Prelude of the Pugnaciously Preeminent and Predominant Green Bay Packers
Many wonder how it is that a little, forgotten town on the frozen banks of Lake Michigan could become the official first city of football. Most major league football towns are huge mothers like Los Angeles, Chicago, Denver, Atlanta, but…
Delta Passenger Relieved Pilot Named Wendell
THE SKY—While onboard Delta flight 326 field sales representative and coach passenger Herman Adler reported the fact that he experienced a feeling of relief upon learning that the pilot’s name was Wendell. “Sounds like a level-headed guy,” said Adler. Adler…
Local Hipster Unsure if 20 is Too Many Bracelets
Jason Just-Jason-Guy comes to this unmarked, semi-private club at least four nights a week to hear bands you’ve never heard of interpreting songs you woulnd’t get, but he wonders if he looks right. “I put on some bracelets,” explains Jason,…
Friend Just Hasn’t Been the Same Since He Won That Free Pepsi
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Colorado Springs resident Wayne Gallaway reported earlier today that his friend, Spencer Buckner, has let the fact that Buckner won a free Pepsi from the bottle cap of another Pepsi go completely to his head. “I just don’t…
School District Hires Adult Film Stars to Teach Sex Ed Classes
(Corry, PA) – In what will be known as one of the most progressive decisions in academic history, the members of the Corry Area School District of Erie County Pennsylvania have voted to allow adult film stars, Raven Gavina and…
Aleve Introduces New Product Just for Family Gatherings
MORRISTOWN, NJ—On Tuesday, the makers of popular headache relief medicine Aleve were proud to announce their new product made specifically for family gatherings. “We just asked ourselves, ‘Can’t there be a way to not hate every moment of every holiday…