Month: February 2013
Carnival Triumph Finally Docks, Alabama Governor To Turn It Into Tourist Attraction
The end has finally come for the unfortunate passengers on the Carnival Triumph. The ship has finally reached dock and they are slowly emerging into a somewhat civilized world. Alabama Gov. Bentley has made a statement regarding the ships arrival….
Hagel Vote On Hold, McCain Delirious
The confirmation vote of Senator Chuck Hagel for Secretary Of Defense was held up today due to the inability of the senate to reach the 60 votes needed to end debate and move to the actual vote. Delays were caused…
Dorner’s Body Identified, Satan Up One
The burned body of fugitive Christopher Dorner was identified late this afternoon as the charred remains that were pulled from the burned cabin in which police believed they had him surrounded on Tuesday afternoon. While the method of identification has…
American Airlines + US Airways = Oh Crap
A merger was announced this morning between American Airlines and US Airways. This has been a long expected outcome for both corporations. Many are surprised that the merger has taken so long, but then again, delays in the airline industry…
Olympic Athlete Can’t Run From Charges
Well respected olympic athlete Oscar Pistorius was charged this morning with murder in the shooting death of his model girl friend. Police report that there is a history of abuse in their relationship and are relieved that this is probably…
Intelligence Suggests France May Have a Military
Washington DC- Senior pentagon officials have released a statement where they have confirmed the long speculated existence of a French military. “We were just scanning Africa, you know, because we were bored,” says an off the record source. “And because…
Sources Close to Celebrity Sources Extremely Reliable, News Sources Say
According to a contact of ours that has a very, very close acquaintance that knows people who are “in the know”, those particular people always know what they’re talking about when they talk about things heard from actual friends of…
Scandal: Man Sneaks Extra Cookie From Jar
Local police and federal authorities are on high alert after a Purcellville, VA man was caught sneaking an extra cookie from his parents’ cookie jar. Dom Fall, 46, is believed to have made an approach on the cookie jar at…