Fewer Trick-Or-Treaters Than 20 Years Ago, Lament Nation’s Pedophiles

INDIANAPOLIS – Ahead of this year’s Halloween, the nation’s pedophiles lamented Monday the relatively low number of children seen trick-or-treating on the streets in recent years.

Recalling a time when groups of young children would freely mobilize between houses in search of candy, sex offenders from across the country laid blame on the media and its “whirlwind of paranoia” for the apparent decline in trick-or-treaters. Read more Fewer Trick-Or-Treaters Than 20 Years Ago, Lament Nation’s Pedophiles

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Republicans Find God, Win Epic Game of Hide & Seek

Senator Chris Coons’ office has sent out a short brief detailing how the Congressman has finally found God, and put an end to a millennia-long game of hide and seek.

Asked to comment about his Earth-shaking discovery, Senator Coons had this to say:

“He was in the living room. Jesus Christ! He was in the living room! How could I have missed Him for so long?” Read more Republicans Find God, Win Epic Game of Hide & Seek

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‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’ Creates Stress For Romney Campaigners

There was great tension at the Republican Campaign Headquarters that morning as the worker bees entered their office in D.C. As with every campaign, unexpected situations come up.

“’He Who Shall Not Be Named’” wants to endorse Romney.” stated Mitch Couler to the group, his face drawn and pained from the trials of running a difficult campaign that was getting down to the wire.

“Oh my God, no!” Marianne burst out, she always being the first one to grasp the entirety of situations. “That’s all we need now! Read more ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’ Creates Stress For Romney Campaigners

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Bargis Tryhol Presidential Election Battle Successful on 50 State Ballots

Miami, Florida- Newbie Presidential candidate Bargis Tryhol, who narrowly missed his 2008 presidential qualification window, is now on every state’s Presidential Ballot and is running as a ‘Do Your Own Thing’ candidate.

Tryhol announced today that he has created his first piece of Presidential legislation in hopes of curbing the spiraling US debt. Tryhol, if successful in his run for President, hopes to place the bill before the Senate Leaders some time after inaguruation day. Read more Bargis Tryhol Presidential Election Battle Successful on 50 State Ballots

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