Oh, the Rovanity

FORT LAUDERDALE–Tumult ensued following initial reports that the crash of a Mitt Romney blimp was instead determined to be the explosion of Karl Rove’s much talked about brain.

The head of the conservative political analyst and FOX NEWS favorite spontaneously blew to smithereens after he attempted to opine past the GOP presidential candidate’s obvious lack of readiness on foreign policy.

Emergency crews described the scene as chaotic. “People were scrambling everywhere,” recalled a paramedic. “One guy who looked like Sean Hannity, held a Styrofoam coffee cup, screaming “Scoop up his brain, scoop it up, hurry!” Read more Oh, the Rovanity

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Romney: ‘As President, I Will Put a Man On Mars By 2014’

WASHINGTON D.C. – In an effort to bolster support for his campaign ahead of next month’s presidential election, Republican candidate Mitt Romney has vowed to put a man on the surface of Mars by the year 2014.

Speaking at a post debate rally in Mount Vernon, Ohio Tuesday, Mr. Romney insisted that funding a dangerous manned mission to the Red Planet would become the number one issue on his agenda from day one. Read more Romney: ‘As President, I Will Put a Man On Mars By 2014’

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GlossyNews Announces 2012 Presidential Endorsement… Not Who You Think

In 2008 we endorsed then-senator Barack Obama, but apparently it is best form to consult with our staff before reaching such a weighty decision.

For 2012 I requested an endorsement statement from all 127 of our writers, and the endorsements are listed below, by author, though I warn you, it’s all kinds of goofy. Read more GlossyNews Announces 2012 Presidential Endorsement… Not Who You Think

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Hollywood: Remade (Electric Boogaloo)

After years and years of poor Hollywood remakes the film capital of the world has decided that Hollywood, itself, needs a remake.

Set for release in November 2015 the Hollywood remake will see star-studded town set in downtown Detroit, with the Hollywood sign made out of scrap metal.

Liz Silverman, head of the Committee Remake Association Partnership (CRAP), told Glossy News that she felt it was the right step for Hollywood: Read more Hollywood: Remade (Electric Boogaloo)

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Romney Surging in Latest Poll of Comatose Unregistered Voters

In recent polls, President Obama continues to lead with several key demographic categories: women, blacks, Hispanics, gays, people under 25, people over 25, people who can do basic math, people who can identify Canada on a map, and people who can remember as far back as the year 2008.

But Governor Romney holds a narrow lead with the several key demographic groups: Mormons over 75, polo team owners, Goldman Sachs hedge fund managers, Rush Limbaugh, people who have never heard Romney speak, and Jesus. Read more Romney Surging in Latest Poll of Comatose Unregistered Voters

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