Handlers Say Biden Will Be On a ‘Soothing Lithium Drip’ For The VP Debate

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)

After publically claiming ‘it’s only 30 more days to the erection,’ Joe Biden handlers have taken matters into their own hands and have placed the Vice President into the care of the White House Physician for immediate treatment in order to have the VP compete in Wednesday’s Vice Presidential debate. Read more Handlers Say Biden Will Be On a ‘Soothing Lithium Drip’ For The VP Debate

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Paul Ryan Devastated by Ayn Rand Revelation

During a campaign stop in Virginia Friday, Republican vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan was rocked by the revelation that Ayn Rand’s books were fiction.

He had intended to make a quick walk thru of a small locally owned book store when he stumbled upon the very books he bases his political philosophies on in the fiction section.

While this was a widely known fact, it appears that the revelation truly impacted his self confidence. He was quickly ushered back to his tour bus by his security detail and was not available for immediate comment.

After being questioned by several reporters at the event, a spokesman for the campaign would only offer this comment under the condition that their name not be revealed.

“This discovery has been very hard on our candidate. He has followed these books in his relentless desire to save our country and he was not emotionally prepared to have to deal with this type of information at this point in the campaign. He was repeatedly uttering that he now understood how it felt to be a Scientologist.”

The campaign could not provide information on whether Congressman Ryan would suspend his involvement in the campaign at this time or continue on until the general election.

This is a developing story and we will update you as more information becomes available.

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Mother of World’s Hairiest Baby Hospitalized

A 36 year-old woman is undergoing psychiatric testing after it was discovered that she was unaware that the child she had been pushing around in a pram for the last 5 years was in fact a dog.

The dog, known as ‘Snuggles,’ is currently being held at a local dog pound while it waits for the outcome of the mental assessment of its owner. Read more Mother of World’s Hairiest Baby Hospitalized

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