Day: July 21, 2012
Charlton Heston Returns From Grave To Protect Colorad Gun Rights Despite Batman Theater Shootings
The iconic movie matinee idol Charlton Heston has risen from the dead like a neo Jesus Christ to stick up for his National Rifle Association buddies after a gunman shot 70 people, killing 12 including children, at a midnight Batman…
Historic Accord Reached in Siblings’ Bitter Territorial Dispute
In major concessions by both sides, boy agrees to stop touching sister’s stuff in exchange for her ceasing to refer to him as “Snot Face.” SPOKANE, WA – Negotiators are expressing hopes for a new era of reconciliation and peaceful…
Freaking Journalist Agitates Candidates, Deemed “Terrorist”
Police are on the look out for a rouge freelance journalist suspected of reckless disregard of media protocol and assault with a rhetorical question. The unknown journalist first struck at a Romney campaign stop in New Hampshire and asked about…
Shocking Crime Wave Blows Across Nation
A terrifying new criminal is on the loose and officials appear powerless to stop him. In a small town in the UK an elderly gentleman was thrown to his knees and robbed of his newspaper that he had only just purchased. Battered and shaken he shared his shocking ordeal.