Month: April 2012
States Unwittingly Promote Masturbation by Prohibiting Gateway Sexual Activity
SALT LAKE CITY – In a poll taken of students in several states including Utah and Wisconsin, where new laws have been enacted to promote abstinence only as a way to prevent unwanted pregnancies, it was discovered that masturbation has…
GOP Halloween Haunted House of Terror Coming to Tampa
This coming Halloween season, you’ll get a chance to tour one of the scariest amusement attractions you’ll ever experience – if you have the stomach. I’m of course talking about the chillingly scary GOP Presidential Halloween Haunted House of Terror…
Ghost of Thurber Stalks Keith Olbermann
Keith Olbermann now admits he “screwed up” by once failing to complete Part Three of James Thurber’s “The Greatest Man in the World” and is haunted by the irate ghost of the long departed writer and cartoonist. Keith Olbermann, former…
WikiLeaks Reveals Newt-Mitt Meeting Details
Normally talkative sources from campaigns Gingrich and Romney remain silent on a recent summit between the two bitter rivals. Characterized by both camps as more a social ‘let bygones be bygones’ affair, the meeting has left election watchers wondering whether…
Just Whose Heart Beats in Dick Cheney’s Chest?
News information services have informed us that former President-Of-Vice Dick Cheney has had a heart transplant. The former Haliburton head man had to wait almost two years to get his new ticker because of the difficulty of finding a heart…
Comedy Central Hires Keith Olbermann
Keith Olbermann was fired Friday by Current TV for breach of contract. Fortunately for Olbermann, he won’t have to start a new Countdown for the days since his firing or days until his new job. That’s because Olbermann was immediately…