Month: May 2011
Birthers Regroup After Minor Setback, Demand REAL Documents
Chastened by Obama’s release of the long form of his official birth certificate, leading proponents of the ‘birther’ movement (now officially dubbed ‘afterbirthers’) met today to rethink their strategy of trying to prove President Barack Obama is not a “natural-born…
Mutant 2nd Graders – A Terrifying, Formidable Force
The New York Stock Exchange rose 3,000 points yesterday when news finally reached the floor of mutant second graders taking charge of financial interests in this country. Investment adviser, William Buffington III was reported hiding in a restroom stall, quivering…
Darkest Horse in the Race Officially Announces Candidacy For President
The following missive was delivered soaking wet with mud stains to the local publisher of dead, compressed tree pulp with black ink smathered across it: Dear Aspen Daily News, It is a great grievance to me to have not been…
Arena Football Eases Fans Qualms About Suffering an NFL Lockout
Do you struggle to understand the meaning of life? Worried your bladder will explode while riding an elevator? Scratching an itchy ear with a paper clip (quite frankly, who hasn’t)? Then there’s an event happening nearby that’ll make your scalp…
Trump; “Yuge Deal” Assassinating Osama All Praise to Bush
Humorless comb-over victim Donald Trump, an alleged billionaire by his own self-proclamation, and centerpiece of the NBC ratings basement “Celebrity Apprentice,” has upped his game yet again, going on the offensive against the countless ones of person who insulted him…
Bin Ladens First Day In Heaven
Hey! Where’s Allah at? I got something to say to him. Who are you? Buddha? Buddha! What the Hell! Hey, where’s my 47 virgins? Man, what’s up? Its hotter here than Afghanistan!
Usama bin Laden, a Touching Eulogy
VARIOUSLY AROUND D.C. — GlossyNews.com Trump is really pissed — he felt that only 8 years of ‘Mission Accomplished’ was not long enough to have any impact. He said, “America needs a real someone to hate. I thought I had…
New Poll Reveals that Polls Are a Waste of Time and Energy
Nearly two out of three Americans say that the poll they are currently taking is pointless and stupid.
Donald Trump Dons Blackface to Prove He is Not Racist
Donald Trump decided to pull out all the stops to put to rest once and for all the ridiculous notion that he is a racist. Scheduled to speak before a group of business leaders at his alma mater, Wharton School…