Year: 2011
Anderson Cooper Set to Propose to Kathy Griffin at Midnight
Well, folks, you can stop wondering whether (1) Anderson Cooper is gay; (2) Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin are dating; (3) Kathy Griffin is really a guy; or (4) Kathy Griffin is really a guy, gay and dating Anderson Cooper…
An Up Close Look at Australian Animals From Hell
No, I am not going to write about kangaroos. I am not that cheap. Everybody who wants to write funny stories about Australia writes about kangaroos. I refuse to stoop that low. They are too easy a target, too cheap…
Random Pointlessness Takes the World by Storm
Denizens of the universe have apparently discovered a favorite new sport. Called “Random Pointlessness”, or RP for short, this sport involves a fair amount of hard work and sweat, but nothing remotely resembling intelligence. Random Pointlessness was invented in Pennsylvania…
Despot Job Loss Linked to Obamanomics
In yet another bad sign for President Obama, dictator unemployment numbers rose sharply again this month. Partisans at both ends of the political spectrum were quick to take expected stances, but all agree on one thing. Tyrants have been among…
Prisons Change to Blue Flannel Jumpsuits; Shankings Down
Lee Henry Morgan, Warden at California’s San Quentin Prison is breathing a sigh of relief these days as the number of shankings in this infamously dangerous prison have decreased greatly over the past several months. “I wouldn’t have believed it…
Residents of Heaven Complain about Lack of Freedom
Residents of a community somewhere in southern California are coming forward with serious allegations of discrimination, forced behavior, and restrictions on personal freedom. Compared by its residents to ‘prison’ the community apparently forces them to wear white robes at all…
Local Man Masters Art of Making Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
The peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s the staple of grade school students. The standby for financially-strapped college students. The sign that a husband has done something wrong when he opens the brown-bagged lunch his wife made him that morning….
Newt Reveals ‘Cart Before Horse’ Campaign
DES MOINES, IA —GlossyNews GOPTea Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich proposes to mount a nationwide nomination strategy without the use of a strong professional campaign staff. He says all he has is Callista. Gingrich freely admits it is a dizzy idea….
Starz New L.A.M.E. Programming: Introducing Boobs McCannon
What do you get when you combine a female-favored programming style like “soap operas,” with manly subject matter like “gangsters?” You get HBO’s The Sopranos, which sent competitors to sleep with the fishes for the six seasons it ruled Sunday…
Secret Manifesto Found Jammed In Michigan Capitol Front Door
The following was found jammed in the Michigan State Capitol Building front door by a janitor arriving early for work on Monday: MANIFESTO FOR THE LIBERATION OF THE UPPER PENINSULA FROM THE TYRANNY OF THE STATE OF MICHIGAN AND RETURNING…