Month: September 2010
News Anchor Barbie Replaces Helen Thomas
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — GlossyNews: Born June 24, 1952 to German cartoonist parent R. Beuthien, Barbara Millicent Roberts, then known affectionately as Lilli, was post-war, sassy and ambitious and had no reservations talking about sex. In 1959 Lilli, now…
Pelosi Rampant Blinking Deciphered As Secret Code To UFO Mothership
Agents at the NSA have finally broken an ultra secret code that has thwarted the intelligence agency for almost 25 years. The suspect breach of national security was discovered during a Congressional speech that was televised in 1985. The 45…
World Stunned as Speidi Goes 36-hours without Press Release
Tea Party Slams “Elitist” D.C. Table Manners
Twin Dorks, NV (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. In a blistering attack on the “political elitism that is destroying America” Nevada Senate candidate and Tea Party favorite Sharron Angle slammed the “fancy table manners in…
Yale Outsources Entire Undergraduate College to Singapore
NEW HAVEN, CT In a move that some disgruntled faculty equate with a capitalistic effort to cut costs, Yale University will outsource its entire undergraduate educational system (collectively known as Yale College) to Singapore’s National University beginning Fall quarter 2013….
Young Boy’s Wish Granted; Becomes Oscar Meyer Weiner
Rogersville, TN – GlossyNews.com – Little Johnny Krebbs loved to sit around his rural Rogersville home like any other kid daydreaming and making wishes. He wished for a puppy. Other times he wished for a new bicycle, but it wasn’t…
Acid Hoax Pays-Off w/ Major TV Contract, Minor Disfigurement
A beaming yet horribly disfigured Bethany Storros met with reporters today to announce her place on the 2011 Showtime fall schedule. The Vancouver native, savoring the notoriety generated by her self-mutilation and false claims of a racially motivated attack, was…
Remains of “Dancing with the Stars” Suicide Bomber Given Ticker Tape Parade
The headless remains of a suicide bomber who blew the entire cast and production company of the mind-numbing reality show “Dancing with the Stars” to a billion bits, were given a ticker tape parade in New York City over the…
Scientists Awarded Large US Grant to Make World 3-D
Faced with rising public clamor for more 3-D products, US researchers at federal facilities have pressed hard to deliver the world in full, three dimensional viewing. Invigorated by a recent grant of over $100 billion dollars, head scientists feel they…
TSA Screeners Get X-Ray Vision Glasses ($1.98 Each) Plus 2 Wheaties Box Tops
Boston, MA – GlossyNews – The TSA announced a new weapon in the fight against terrorism. All agents will be issued a set of X-ray vision glasses as part of an overall upgrade and proceeds from a grant from DC…