Posted in Politics Strange People

Michele Bachman, Unaware of Y2k, Attacks Bill Clinton

CROOKSTON, Minnesota (GlossyNews) — The Republican Party, frequently criticized for being behind the times and completely devoid of new ideas, has taken yet another strategy from Newt Gingrich’s 1994 GOP Playbook. Michele Bachmann, one of the most prominent she-publican fundraisers,…

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Posted in Human Interest Society

UK Govt Report: 9 Out of 10 Males Are Gay, or Plan to Be

BIRMINGHAM, United Kingdom (GlossyNews) — By all accounts Treavor Slaughter should be an a ladies man with girls rushing up to him every moment as he enters his first year in the university….But things are different today in the UK….

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Posted in Serious Commentary

Candidate with the Biggest Mouth or Most Bizarre Message Wins

In the run up to the this year’s mid-term elections we’ve seen some of the most bizarre behavior and comments coming out of the candidates, especially those who claim to be ordinary Americans wanting to take America back. Come time…

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Posted in Crime Technology

9-yr-old Klepto Arrested Again; Mom Blames Nintendo Wii

DES MOINES, Iowa – In a rather strange and disturbing case, a nine-year old boy was arrested on June 28, 2010 for stealing cigarettes from a local Wal-Mart. Although the boy is only nine years of age, he has had…

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Posted in Religionism Science

Recently Discovered Noah’s Ark Artifacts Destroyed in Quran Bonfire Mishap

MOUNT ARARAT, Turkey (GlossyNews) — In the close-knit evangelical archeological community, few can recall more dizzying heights and tragic lows in such a short time span. The Xinyou Qing Project (rough English translation, ‘We go find Ark now’) first grabbed…

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Posted in Entertainment Society

How to be a FOX News ‘Spin Doctor’

SINGAPORE (GlossyNews) — Media experts have been observing a recent trend in how seemingly simple events are portrayed by our news sources. Radical interpretations of ordinary incidents in the lives of the famous seem to be going through major distortions….

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Posted in Entertainment Science Television

Telescope Reveals Remains of Alice Kramden on Lunar Surface

Houston, TX – GlossyNews.com – Scientists released information, along with a Top Secret report, about the discovery of human remains dressed in what appears to be a yellow house dress. The remains were spotted laying in the open on the…

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Posted in Politics

GOP Pledges Rich Can Get Richer, Sick Can Die Broke

Wornolde Points, Ohio (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. News organizations around the world are analyzing the political, economic and policy implications of the recently released GOP “Pledge to America.” But the story doesn’t end there….

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Posted in Health Politics

Dems Cope w/ Mid-Term Electile Dysfunction – Viagra In Short Supply

Webster’s Dictionary recently added a new phrase that pretty much sums up the problems facing the Democratic Party today as the important mid-term elections roll ever closer. Eloquently said, the new phrase has captured the imagination of conservative pundits as…

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Posted in Politics

Pelosi Plans Grand Canyon Sale to Chinese to Balance Budget

Washington, DC –  (Glossy News Exclusive!)  In a shocking turn-around for American taxpayers seeking debt relief, Treasury officials announced a sweeping step-by-step plan to eliminate the nation’s debt held by foreign governments. Secretary Paulus Franks gave reporters details on the…

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Posted in Television

News Anchor Barbie Replaces Helen Thomas

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — GlossyNews: Born June 24, 1952 to German cartoonist parent R. Beuthien, Barbara Millicent Roberts, then known affectionately as Lilli, was post-war, sassy and ambitious and had no reservations talking about sex. In 1959 Lilli, now…

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Posted in Politics

Pelosi Rampant Blinking Deciphered As Secret Code To UFO Mothership

Agents at the NSA have finally broken an ultra secret code that has thwarted the intelligence agency for almost 25 years. The suspect breach of national security was discovered during a Congressional speech that was televised in 1985. The 45…

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Posted in Making Headlines

World Stunned as Speidi Goes 36-hours without Press Release

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Posted in Politics Society

Tea Party Slams “Elitist” D.C. Table Manners

Twin Dorks, NV (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. In a blistering attack on the “political elitism that is destroying America” Nevada Senate candidate and Tea Party favorite Sharron Angle slammed the “fancy table manners in…

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Posted in Education

Yale Outsources Entire Undergraduate College to Singapore

NEW HAVEN, CT In a move that some disgruntled faculty equate with a capitalistic effort to cut costs, Yale University will outsource its entire undergraduate educational system (collectively known as Yale College) to Singapore’s National University beginning Fall quarter 2013….

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Posted in Kidz Zone

Young Boy’s Wish Granted; Becomes Oscar Meyer Weiner

Rogersville, TN – GlossyNews.com – Little Johnny Krebbs loved to sit around his rural Rogersville home like any other kid daydreaming and making wishes. He wished for a puppy. Other times he wished for a new bicycle, but it wasn’t…

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Posted in Television

Acid Hoax Pays-Off w/ Major TV Contract, Minor Disfigurement

A beaming yet horribly disfigured Bethany Storros met with reporters today to announce her place on the 2011 Showtime fall schedule. The Vancouver native, savoring the notoriety generated by her self-mutilation and false claims of a racially motivated attack, was…

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Posted in Television

Remains of “Dancing with the Stars” Suicide Bomber Given Ticker Tape Parade

The headless remains of a suicide bomber who blew the entire cast and production company of the mind-numbing reality show “Dancing with the Stars” to a billion bits, were given a ticker tape parade in New York City over the…

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy Talky Pictures

Scientists Awarded Large US Grant to Make World 3-D

Faced with rising public clamor for more 3-D products, US researchers at federal facilities have pressed hard to deliver the world in full, three dimensional viewing. Invigorated by a recent grant of over $100 billion dollars, head scientists feel they…

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos War Zone

TSA Screeners Get X-Ray Vision Glasses ($1.98 Each) Plus 2 Wheaties Box Tops

Boston, MA – GlossyNews – The TSA announced a new weapon in the fight against terrorism. All agents will be issued a set of X-ray vision glasses as part of an overall upgrade and proceeds from a grant from DC…

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