Day: February 21, 2010
Ancient New England Dialect Extinct After Last Speaker Dies
BOSTON, Massachusetts — One of the country’s oldest dialects, which traces its origins to before the American Revolution, has become extinct after the last person to speak it died. Winthrop Quincy Endicott Lowell VI, the last surviving heir to the…
Lil Wayne’s Got Court – Saved by Blingy Chompers
NEW YORK, NY – American rapper Lil Wayne was saved from prison by the teeth figuratively and literally. Born Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr., the spoken word artiste, spoke to the media about the dramatic turn of events. “Jus’ a couple…
Ask Hank – Missteps, Mistresses and Misfortunes
Dear Hank, I’ve been stringing along this lovely mistress for over a year. How do I tell her that my wife and I are now expecting triplets? We spent an in vitro fortune to get them, so I can no…
Bowling Scandal Diverts Negative Attention from Tiger Woods
CHEYENNE, WY – Still recovering from the Tiger Woods scandal, the sports world finds itself mired in yet another public spectacle. Three-time PBA tour champion Slim “Fats” Fettwanst is suing Lurlene Jenks, owner of the “Preemptive Strikes” 32-lane bowling alley…
How California Grown Ups Play Cops and Robbers
After not being allowed into a California Pizza Restaurant one morning earlier this month, about 100 members of the OpenCarry Movement went to another restaurant in Walnut Creek, CA to show their fire power in full force, except of course,…