Month: January 2010
Ask Hank: There’s Something Mighty Fishy About this SPAM
Dear Hank; With regards to the following e-mail I recently received (which has been shortened for the sake of brevity): From: SENATE COMMITTEE Sent: Wed, January 6, 2010 2:58:30 PM Subject: Approved Immediate ATM Swift Payment Office of the Senate…
NBA Hard Pressed To Find Player To Hawk New Condom Line
The National Basketball Association has just introduced its latest merchandising scam, …er…, product line – assorted condoms denoting all the professional American basketball teams. Each condom is colored with a team logo. “With these babies you can really tell if…
Randy Jackson Packing Duct Tape for American Idol Shows
Trouble on the American Idol set already? It’s rumored that Randy Jackson let slip a little secret. He had asked his lawyers to add rolls of duct tape to the usual list of things in his contract he’d need while…
Hoekstra Sets Preemptive 2010 Yemeni Strike
Lansing, MI – Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) publicly stated his plans for the Michigan National Guard if he wins election as Governor in 2010: “I’ll lead a preemptive strike to Yemen. I’ve been leading on national security for the last…
U. Alabama Alums Seek Nickname Change from ‘Bama to ‘Bamma
A Petition has been circulating among Alumni of the University of Alabama to change the popular ‘Bama nickname to ‘Bamma due to conflicts that are arising from having a President named Obama. The reason for this requested change, as set…
Special Ring of Hell Created for CEOs
God Almighty in close association with Satan has created a special hell for CEO’s and other business leaders who have helped to create the present world-wide financial meltdown (it seems Satan himself couldn’t stomach the gall of these money-engorged maggots…
SpaghettiOs® Creator, Donald Goerke, Chokes to Death, Uh-Oh
CAMDEN, N.J. – Donald Goerke, the man who put the “Oh” in SpaghettiOs®, choked to death Sunday night while eating his customary bedtime snack of SpaghettiOs® and chocolate milk. He was eighty-three. Mr. Goerke joined the Campbell organization in 1955…
President Obama Brings Tyra Banks to Tears
A tearful Tyra Banks demanded an apology from President Obama today for the hurt and shame he caused her when he declared publicly “Listen up Banks, the American people want their money back.” Banks was watching Fox News when she…
Chinese Call Americans Their “Dollar Store Bitches”
In a newly released book by Chinese-American Author, Pe Yuan Yu-Smith, titled “You Buy More Yankee, OK?” Americans are finally being made privy to some of the lesser known facts about the tenuous economic relationship between China and the United…
Van Morrison Files for Bankruptcy Despite Not Being an American
DUBLIN – Irish singer and curmudgeon Van Morrison has filed for bankruptcy in Irish Bankruptcy Court, according to a notice published on his official website today. The famously gruff singer-songwriter informed his fans that he has debts of 652 million € and assets of only 40 million € yet he stopped short of accepting responsibility for his financial meltdown.