Month: December 2009
Obama Wins Literal “Not George Bush” Award
To the surprise of few, Obama has won yet another award for not being George W. Bush, this time it’s one awarded by the Global Sub-Scrub Society known as the “Not George Bush Award”, and it’s given only to those…
Successful Corporate Excuses For Being Late To Work
My Excuses For Being Late To Work Welcome to my world. This is my first of hopefully many columns about life in the workplace. My column is dedicated to everyday workers. Thank you Mr. CEO, but I can’t event count…
The Corporate Dress Code
Every summer one or all of my many superiors reminds me of the corporate dress code here at the hospital in New Jersey. Now I am not sure who comes up with this stuff or why, but it does make…
Republican “Prayercast” Convinces Santa to Skip Obama House This Year
Malia and Sasha Obama woke up to a pretty lame Christmas morning when they discovered that Santa had not visited their house this year. Said Michelle Obama, “had Barack and I not prepared for this contingency, the girls would have…
2009 Glossy News Erratta … err Errata & Errors a Plenty
The Glossy News, in an effort to bring you the finest, most accurate and comprehensive news available, has compiled this errata information after a review of articles published in 2009. Although we do technically wish to apologize for any errors…
Ask Hank – Pre-Natal Lawsuit Threatened by Unborn Child
Dear Hank, I’m seven months old (that’s from conception) and due in late January. Recently, I heard my parents talking about what they were going to name me: Siegfried. Hank, I can’t go through life with that moniker. Recently I…
DOT Approves Asshole Lane For Nation’s Freeways
American drivers nationwide gave a collective cuss of relief when the US Department of Transportation announced its approval for a building project that would add designated asshole lanes to all the nation’s freeways by 2010.
Alaskan Villagers Purposely ‘Being Bad’ To Get Coal From Santa
Point Barrow, AK (GlossyNews) — Residents of the Arctic town of Sealgut Alaska have resorted to extreme means to get their heating fuel supplies for this winter. Faced by two months of near total darkness and bone-chilling cold with little…
Psychic to the Stars Makes 2010 Predictions
Chrystal Ball, self-proclaimed Psychic to the Stars has just released her predictions for the upcoming year in the entertainment industry. “Keep this list handy,” cooed Chrystal, “because you are going to have shivers running up and down your body when…
Dan Quayle Tweets Palin
Dan Quayle Tweets Palin Famous potatoe man, Dan Quayle, known as “Tweety” on Twitter, came back into the limelight after virtual (actually that’s actual) obscurity to offer his help to Sarah Palin on the campaign trail. After reading a few…